Is this my destiny

I sit and wonder as I type these words

to be the woman I am

in thought and beauty



intellect is one thing

desire is another

to be lost in your arms

entwined like no other



the trees are calling me

the wolf and the raven

telling me to search on

for the woman in my dreams



I will venture forth on this course

undaunted with no remorse.

Not in the mood to say anything because I have nothing to say. I am in an emotional void and I feel like there is nothing left for me to input here. So I won't Chow muah see ya later...

Oh yeah as soon as I get my lazy butt to post some of my pictures here I will of some cool pictures of Mars and the moon that a friend of mine hastaken. I like the creativity in which he did it and the amount of time and hard work he put into it. That is completely awesome and I wish I had as much patience to do that as he does. Well I am out of here talk to you later. C

Nothing much to say just busy time. Its really hot down here and I am dying riding my bike to work everyday. BUt on the bright side I am losing more weight as usual which is a good thing. I am currently the shrinkin women because I can't seem to eat right and my body is just not hungry at all. Which is a good thing its too hot to eat and I am not in the mood to cook something so I just get salad at work. Or whatever Henry wants to give me at the time or what the Kitchen has to offer that day. Well I am outta here nothing more to say except I hate jealous people and I am sure that it is only going to get worse....

Since I am way into the creative mood today here is a couple of poems and hopefully pictures that if you like you can read I also put the links in here so that you can get the full effect of the imagery if it will not show here?!!! This is the one for the dark prince with Sandmans artwork inspired poetry.
http://groups.msn.com/ScapeOnline



and another where some cool ole pictures have imspired me to write some poetry to go along


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/decadenceandpoeticeroticism
and another


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LoveWorksErotica2
and the last one with great pleasure and anticipation because I do love erotic pictures that are tastefully done with great poetry to go along to boot...


http://groups.msn.com/PassionsOfLife2
Now without further word usage here goes...

The Prince of Darkness

I am the fear that compels you
Drifting barely out of your subconcious mind
Do not linger not even for a second
Do not hesitate or I will get you
Breathe in the world around you
Prepare to breathe your last breathe
For I am the one who stands before you
Ready to take the mortal blows
You can't fight me
You have already lost
Death is only an illusion
Brought on by the weak of mind
Can you face your reality
With courage to stand alone
Don't ever look back
Because I will be here waiting for you
The darkness will carry your soul to me
Where I will use and torture you
To further advance my own power
Smoother that scream because it is useless
To deny the fact that you are already dead
You just do know it yet
I am the incarnation of darkness
The prince of power yet reborn
Taken this shell of a man manifestated in flesh
Created in the womb of a goddess
Made mortal by a young maidens misery
My birth cries sing the glories of the underworld
Come unto me my prey
Your struggles are in vain
For I will not be stopped
My power is too great to fathom
Bow down to my unbreakable will
That I may show you a little mercy
Your death will be quick and painless
As I drain the blood out of your body
My kiss will draw you into rapture
An illusion so deep that you will never know
When the exact moment of your death
But until your soul floats up out of your body
When you at last meet your maker
Razor sharp teeth are your only memory
As the quick slice of pain enters your neck
All else is drowned out except the pleasure
Of your last kiss of death...





I am desire



What am I?
Torn and blinded by you
Sensual touches
Erotic Images
Delicious lips
The heat
Impossibly hot
Scorching my flesh
Binding me to you
Your hands everywhere
soft
hungering
lingering
possesive
Enraptured by you
Lost in lust
Envisioned by your words
Tantalyzed by my imagination
My body shivers
Moans its raging desire
Lost in your words
Needing your fulfillment
Wanting the love of your body
Needing the embrace from your touch
Hunger so deep
Within my womanhood
I yearn for you
Waiting
Needing
Desperate
for
Penetration
Hard
Fast
Soft
Quick
Long
Short
I do not care
I just know
That I need you
Here with me
Inside me
Filling me
Stretching me
Seeking me
Exploring me
Till our bodies
are exhausted
Till I am
Sated
Pleasure
Fulfilled
Mounted
Peaked
I am desire





Guide me to your love
Be my beacon of light
My ray of hope
Through the darkness
Show me the way
I am lost
Needing your guidance
I wither without you
Drawn by your touch
Awaken by your kiss
I breathe steady
Unsure of myself
Lost in your kiss
Two lips touching
All is lost
Except for two people
You and I
The world and all its perils
Mean nothing unless its with you
Without you I am broken
Shattered into the winds
My very existence depends on you
My heart filled to explosion
Joy, happiness, & wonderment
These are but a few of the emotions
I surrender all to you
My will
My heart
My body
These prescious things
A gift you give me
A most rare and beautiful thing
And it all begins with you
The love you give to me
And the world as I know it
Is filled with nothing but you

I slepted in like a lazy butt which means I am going to be up half the night again reading or doing whatever my little heart desires probally writing some thought provoking poetry. Not that it will ever be published or anything but that is the case heck bring it. I have been published several times in different books because of some of its content. Go ME! But that is such a small accomplishment that I want to achieve more than I want or have the energy to do right now. But I am most definetely going back to school. My classes start up again in January where my life begins and changes for the better. Hell I think it is the best decision that I could have made in my entire life and it is composed on someone giving up a lot to be with me?!!! Aren't I lucky?!!! Completely. Contrary to popular belief I have not slepted with this person nor have I done anything major mostly talking or talking with tongues lol. Grins. Religious preferences on his part keep me restrained and in control of myself and I start to think about baseball. A completely erotic sport that now I have to think of something else to amuse me instead like golfing. Another known factoid of my life is that I love all kinds of sports that I rarely get to play. Hell Iwould golf every day if I had golf clubs and a handy place to go to at night?!! Why night you say because it is the glow in the dark balls and the challenge of hitting the hole at night that creates the atmosphere and the need for vampyric gothic settings. Picture this a cascading pond with a bridge that goes over the waterfront. Lots of old trees with haunted scary feel to them and on occasion when you get really out there in the never ending green pavement of grass there is a fence line where viscious dogs wait for your ball to chew and tear up. But in the winter and spring time there is this beautiful rolling fog that covers the ground about a good two feet and thick as pea soup. Well, Cassandra got the good notions that it would be cool to make out there which I was partly right but forgot about the frequent night golfers like myself. Haven't you ever noticed that they are never around because you are playing by yourself or with friends but the moment you do not care for there company is the moment they come out in spades. So there I am in the 18th hole happ to be there when a golf ball bings off of my current boyfriends head lol. I think I laughed so much I cried because the ball bounced accordingly in the hole right afterwards... That to me is a sign of good fortune and bad luck that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time grins. But the best game in the world is a game of speed golf at night when you are the only one of your companions that is not drunk and they can't hit worth shit an its completely hilarious and a little dangerous to be in arms length of there swing. Aaaaah the good life. But I do incredibly miss roleplaying in its entirely thought provoking form of letting go all your inhibitions and completely being possessed by your character and start to have some movements like them that our picture. I am looking into the SCA again down here since I already started another branch of the ICE WOLF house down here go Vikings hince the name Alloiratheviking@aol.com feel free to leave comments grins. I love the period of clothing back then its so beautiful with its colors and long dresses, laces, t tunics, and all the shoes for the garb. It makes you feel like a princess all dressed up with no prince of course but hey they are all around you dressed in the courtesan garb themselves. With there dashing good looks and long locks who wouldn't want to bash there eyelids at them coyly and flirt away. But of course it is all in good fun because you have your reputation as a Lady to consider and it is unseemingly but not unheard of to invite them them to your tent or oasis?!!! But of course I have never done this nor would I because I respect myself far more than that to ever consider a one night stand with someone!!! Usually I prefer a deeper commitment and a substaining offer of a long time affair of the heart not body. A little of both is a must but hey who is complaining about that!!! Well thats enough for now I am going to eat my pasta and enjoy every minute of it. Shees I should have gotten up earlier now I am going to be up all night pray the sleeping gods are kind and allow me to fall asleep before 5 in the morning?!! Well maybe it is my just deserts that I am getting but Jello sounds really good right now. All its sugary goodness in a cool wiggly form that feels like the softest touch of a cats nose. Besides you can make a body mold and put it on some very sensitive body parts and slowly very slowly eat away the food while languishing alot of attention to your tortured partner?!! My sick thought for the day and also web cams is it Illegal to show off body parts?? Just curious but I believe if two consenting adults agree it is perfectly legal of course but you never know? If anyone knows the exact law or non law let me know thanks a bunch Muah

Little known factoids of my life but my long time love affair with Anthony Hopkins. Grins I had this major crush on the character he played Hannibal Lector. I would watch Silence of the Lambs every night just before I feel asleep I would hear his voice and his would be my saving grace. My arch angel who would lullably me to sleep when I was feeling angry and unsure of myself which is pretty much often. But mostly it was his intelligence that really did it for me. He is hypnotically intelligent and his presence was astounding in the sense that you were always on edge because truthfully you never really were sure that he was not going to either kill you or eat you or possibly both. But intelligence has always been a big attraction for me. The more intelligent the more stimulating males are to me. Its not all about the physical with me but a man with a highly intelligent IQ could far impress me than his activities in bed. He definetly has to have a creative side like maybe art?!!! Now the tragic dark artist is always very attractive specially if he is highly intelligent (reference to Sandman) But that goes without saying that things can be overlooked that maybe physically they may not be overly attractive but the more you get to know someone the outter shell is wittled away and the personality is shown through. That person becomes the most precious person in your world and truly the most beautiful person on the planet. !!!! Its all in how you see it or them for that matter. I know alot of highly intelligent men in my life more so than I do beautiful people of the world and most of them for the sake of arguement are physically plain but there intelligence makes them attractive. But the point being is in the movie I always wanted Clarice and Hannibal to get together because I thought they were the classic cliche of Romeo and Juliet. Some titanic comparision of some star crossed lovers that was passionate brief and burned like a raging fire to it was all consumed and no more fuel to burn. Now with Anthony Hopkins he has always been highly intelligent even in his early years in his acting career. I have been a long time fan and a sort of groupy to the art of all that is Hopkins. Grins. He is an extremely goodlooking man with those electric blue eyes of his? DId I mention that I am a serious EYE person? Doesn't matter truly the color whether they be dark or light just a pair of highly intense eyes draws me like the opposite ends of a magnet. The effect is still the same there soul is blinking back at me through partially closed eyelids and I am drawn in those watery orbs?!! Well thats enough of that I will write more later too many interruptions and not enough me to go around. Write back at you later Cassandra

Have you ever felt that there is something incredibly missing in your life. You know what it is but you are at odds on how to obtain it? I have been living in the shadows of half life for a really long time. I love very few people in my life. Most of the friends in my life are the ones I like to keep. Instill the misery follows me. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to breathe. I have what I want mostly except somehow it is not enough. I feel this great emptiness inside myself that gets bigger and bigger everyday. Harder and harder for me to breathe. I feel that this feeling will never go away till I die. I am scared that I will have to live with this feeling and never feel satisfied with my life?! I question everything around me and I am such a pestimistic person despite my arrogant addittude. I know who and what I am I just lack something in my life to make me happy. I have tasted love and found it lacking in a sense that it was not returned as it should have been. Or maybe it wasn't the proper place or time for that. I question God and his judgement and the very lack of answers that I can get. Maybe its my willfulness and stubborness that has me not getting the answers. There are times I long for my own death just so that I can escape this feeling that I have inside me.. Even if I take medication it never goes away the emptiness that has take over my existence and leaving me hollow inside. I hate so many things right now and I am powerless to stop things in my life. I hate that I am weak that I am scared that whatever feelings that are within me is still lacking somehow. That myself as a person is lacking that I desire things that I truly can't have. Why would anyone in there right mind want to marry me. I am not a special person in retrospect I am particularly ugly. I see nothing beautiful looking at me in the mirror. My friends are thousands of miles away some farther than others mostly just gone. My friends here are handling there own crisis to even bother with me. I am the one supporting them but yet I feel that Even I fail then in this respect?!!!! Have you ever had a kiss that you never had but it felt exactly right?!! I have these strange dreams of meeting someone that I know but I have never seen?!! Probally a past life experience if that truly exists but I felt the happiness and the overwhelming love for this person. I have those feelings and yet I still feel lacking never good enough for anyone?!!! A dirty soiled creature not worthy or redemption or even love in its most barest forms. I push people away yet I long for them!!! I know that I can't have both but I want so much that I find myself clingy and needed even the barest of physical touch a hug?!! I have been strong so long that even the Ice princess has a hard time thawing herself out. I feel that my whole life has been some stage play or gag or joke or whatever you want to call it a serious struggle that I am not privy to?! I know no other way but to struggle keep plugging along on my mundane existance and other people say I should be grateful. I love my children do not get me wrong on that but I am missing the most basic of elements to me self satisfaction that I should feel that I am doing it all by myself. I know of promises made to me by my friends that I doubt will even keep them. My vanilla scented candles that I love so much. When I die they promised to light them one a year on my death to remember me!!! Who would keep such a promise Jey? Lisle? Brandon?!!! I think not. Hell I even doubt my own mother and father will come to my funeral. You know everyone in my life that I have truly loved has abandoned me at one point or another through my fault or there own. I am tired of this eternal struggle within myself and my lack of motivation to write. I have written a story but I am not foolish enough to post it so that it can be criticized by anyone. What I think I lack is LOVE of myself. I am through complaining....

I am writing this because I will probally not be writing in this any more my life is far too busy and I am always at work. Not that you will miss me much. My creativity level has been at an all time low right now. Emotionally I have hit some pretty gnarly rollercoasters that threatened to take from me my control. On the home front here is absolutely where I do not want to be. I would rather be any place than here if Brandon isn't here. I am obligated to help him out and he still treats me like Garbage. I cry myself to sleep because I do not want him here I would rather have my fiance living here. But I know that would not be a good idea either because we would end of doing something. I am made to feel guilty because I work yet he will hardly help around the house because he is out with his friends or wherever he goes during the day. Asking him to take out the garbage is a hassle and usually ends up in an arguement. I am almost to the point of shootng myself so that I will not have this endless frustration I feel. I hate and loathe the man to pieces. My loyalty as a friend keeps me from throwing him out on his ass completely. That and I need a ride to work which I do not have no transportation to and from daycare either for my kids. I am in a fucked up situation that I am the only one to blame but myself. I have so many if only's that I could just scream and rant and rave and possibly go postal on him. My consideration is not wanted needed or even appreciated. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Now I feel slightly better having said this. I do not want to keep on complaining on this damm blogger thing nor do I want to sound bitchy or insane. WHich I am probally more the first than the last or a combination of both. I just ask SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

Well thats all folks well if you are reading this thanks for reading and seeing what I am up to I appreciate the attention and your time. Feel free to leave whatever comments you wish on my blogger any suggestions or criticism if nice and well intentioned is appreciated. BTW did anyone see the new T3 movie wow I really liked it and I will be definetly getting the DVD to that one. yeah buddy.

For that special one in my life whom I never seem to have enough time in the day for. Just know that you are in my heart and I am always thinking about you. I wish that I could dedicate more time to you. I wish that I was a better person and could give you whatever your hearts desire but I fail miserably. Hell at times I even fail myself! I am my own worst enemy! But I need you but I think we need more time in this relationship before things get complicated and we kill each other grins. Nice little scenario there grins. Well thats just about it Cassandra is still being a royal asshole which is probally no big surprise to you all reading what I write. I think the worst thing about me is my inability to put myself in other people's shoes. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead then having to deal with emotions on a daily basis. I get so dammed tired of having to explain myself to everybody that its gets ridiculous. Why must I do it when people don't understand me at all. I shudder to think of all the times when I use to actually open up to people and they thinking I was weird. Hell I already feel like a freak of nature anyways. All I want is some peace in my life a moment without struggle or having to work myself to death to pay my bills. Sheesh a moment wouldn't be too much to ask. Or someone to love me just as I am bitchy femme in all. Like that will happen! SHeesh I am out of here....

'Final Fantasy X-2' Preview

We've been dutifully going through Final Fantasy X-2 since the game's Japanese release last month. We've been impressed by how consistent the game is about maintaining its quirky atmosphere. The rather odd juxtaposition of solid gameplay and camp hasn't really faltered since the loopy J-pop-dance-number/battle at the game's start. The different missions you'll undertake as the sassy trio and the cinemas that propel the game's narrative forward work together to create a very distinct tone. Overall, we have to say we've been pleased by the balance that's been struck between the serious and downright silly elements we've encountered.


One of the more pleasant surprises in the game, aside from the sassy clothing Yuna, Rikku, and Paine will be donning, are the actual mechanics. The game makes some changes to the standard Final Fantasy formula by incorporating a new mission-based structure, placing a greater emphasis on platforming elements, and tweaking its predecessor's combat engine, among other things, though it still covers its bases in terms of delivering what you'd expect from a game with the Final Fantasy name. The combat engine has some quirks to master, such as the best way to time your attacks to cause the most damage, but the dress sphere system offers a surprising amount of depth and adds a unique strategy element, both in and out of combat, thanks to the abilities and effects of the different outfits. Besides the sometimes peculiar enhancements afforded by new threads, the ability to accessorize the characters' outfits proves to be a cool distraction that will likely have you longing for the right accessory to pull together your butt-kicking ensemble.



The mission-based structure of FFX-2, while obviously linear at its core, features a healthy dose of side quests and minigames to liven up the game's main set of missions. As mentioned in our previous looks at the game, the missions offer a unique selection of tasks that are tiered according to their numeric story level. Each mission features a star rating that represents its difficulty when you highlight it on the game's world map. The missions will range considerably in terms of length and what you're expected to do. At the start of the game, many are short and sweet--for example, you'll simply be required to explore a particular area or defeat a boss. As you go further into the game and take on higher-level missions, you'll be given more-involved tasks that take longer to get through. However, you'll still find quite a few short missions that help keep the pace moving at a decent clip. For example, after a stretch of long missions, you'll get a significantly shorter mission that requires you to do something like poll people on the street for their opinions or sell tickets to locals. The mission selection will also feature far more eccentric tasks to perform, such as giving massages and enjoying a brief musical performance. The balance between length and challenge in the mission selection is quite good and keeps the game from losing momentum. This also holds true when you deviate from the main set of missions and start to explore the varied side quests available to you in each story level. In addition to providing some unique challenges, the side quests can reward you with some powerful additions to your wardrobe and accessory collection that will offer some significant stat boosts. As a bonus, you'll also stumble on some minigames that should please Yuna's more obsessive fans, such as a dancing minigame.




Final Fantasy X-2's quirky charm has won us over. The game looks great, features an engaging and often funny assortment of missions, and offers an eccentric story that's populated with a host of unique characters. Final Fantasy X-2 is set to ship later this year for the PlayStation 2. Until then, be sure to check out our new media on the game.

This is what Cassie lives for Final Fantasy X-2 which I have been waiting on nimble toes for the past weeks because it was recently released in Japan to there culture and probally half the population played the game till there thumbs were rubbed down to the nubs. I have had callouses on my fingers before from playing that game. My final fantasy X game was stolen from me by some unknown assailant but I am going to get the next one and guard it with my life. Hell I will probally sleep with it who knows. Cassandra has a big sloppy grin on her face from all the excitement and I can't wait till it is released in america. Hell I live for video games and I will make sure that I have the money for the game when it comes out soon. Yeah buddy! Hurray for me. Jumping for joy. Well I got to make some phone calls and talk to some peeps who I got into an arguement today on the phone. Like that is ever going to change. I do believe the problem lies within not having enough patience and me not getting enough sleep!!!! Well write to you later!!! Cassandra

Well good folks its the lovely 4th of July a nice day in history to celebrate freedom and its meaning for you. Although our country is made of different nationalities and sexual preferences I think its a time to band together and show our brotherly and sisterly love towards our neighbors. I think its a time for rememberance for those love ones that shed there blood and died for us. There sacrifice is what mkes our freedom possible and we should never forget our forefathers who have fought so bravel. As a proud american I think we should honor and respect our fellow troops who are away from friends and family. One way is to display flags proudly and defiantly towards those who would want to oppress others and ourselves. My heart goes out to those soldiers who are away from there family and who are fighting in other countries to protect individual freedoms. My best friend Carla is currently living in Tennessee where her husand is in the war right now. She has a beautiful little girl named Allaura who is missing her father. May God bless and keep him safe till her arrives safely on her door. This pray goes to all the soldiers out there who are fighting the good fight. May God bless you and keep you safe from harm. Let us all take a moment and remember the ones tonight who are not with us today and sent out silent thanks and graditude for the sacrifice they make for us.


:::My wish List:::

Lisle: I hope that you get better and you keep sending more beautiful artwork into the world. Don't ever doubt yourself or your abilites.
Jason: May you find what you need and happiness always follows you.
Motua: May you find what you need to keep you happy and that you always follow the right path.
Carla: I hope that you get your butt down here quickly so that I can have my much needed friend back!
Mom: May blesses from heaven restore the faith that you have lost and many long days for you and much happiness
Causey: I hope that you find your baseball fanatic wife so that the pieces of your life will fit together!
Ari: May that you find the love and understanding you need from your parents and you get out of that situation forever.
Janet: May the love of your life find you and keep you all the days of your life!

If wishes are heard on angels lips then may they beat there angelic wings and hurry to send the message back so that my litte wishes maybe answered quickly for my loved ones....

That is all goodnight I am off to listen to my Yako Kanno. BTW thanks Causey for passing that nice bit of information on its nice to listen to some mellow music every now and then when your soul is in such Choas and confustion. Sometimes what the heart needs is a little music to sweeten your temperment and lighten your burdens for awhile.... Sweet dreams all.

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