Everything

I have rewritten this a couple of times and still it seems so damm harsh to me I dont know how to sugar coat anything. Wondering if im going to be waiting forever for something that isnt even going to happen... Thinking of moving with my cousin in Mississippi that is guaranteed nothing else here is. I think that my hope is pretty much dashed at the moment really dashed im like one step away from failure serious failure and there isnt nothing I can do about it either. If one thing happens on the truck im screwed nothing i can do with it but just walk away from everything kids family everyone. Cause I dont fail but something has to happen or everything is lost im not looking forward to my options either better to give up entirely where at least they would be happy then nothing. Im going to decide at the end of the month what im going to do but im thinking im just going to give the kids back to the mutual parents and say fuck it and try to get my shit together and then get them back if I can which I know Cassie isn't even an option but im not doing what im supposed to about getting a job cause its just not working. IDK what to do anymore but my hope is dashed my faith my love my dreams kinda done. Im failing and im not use to failure you know whatever im determined to have or do usually i move heaven and earth to have it get it or possess it but even I am not able to do it this time.... sad

7

You may leave your complaints to the bitching department otherwise post a comment on my handy dandy upgrades to my blog. :::grins:::

Well today started off good and still hasn't ended yet but it has a good note to it nothing out of the ordinary happened I dreamed of my dad which put me in a good mood. Strange how a little thing like that can put pep in your step. The day before I was an emotion wreck trying to get thru the day without crying my eyes out and whatever song popped on the radio would cause more emotional trauma I tried to avoid. Didn't happen Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton came on the station I was listening to and there I was crying my eyes out. Little known fact I dont like to cry most of the time I will stop myself from crying just to prove a point that you didn't hurt me sometimes even I cant control myself. There are somethings you just miss that ever loving heaviness in your chest. I had that anxiety panic attack thingy going on in my mind and in my heart where I was struck dumb counting off in my head what little family I have left. Wondering if I ever screw up with my life what would happen to my own little family. So pretty much I already know that im alone in this world except for my mother who does help me completely. My brother is useless because he is chasing his own demons and hasnt learned to grow up yet!!! Sad because he had so much potential in his life that he ruined it with drugs and has no prospects but to fall back into drugs hopefully he can stay sober and clean but he is slipping.

Hmm on to walking I walk everyday except when I stay up to late and can't walk for fear of driving off the road with my kids in the truck that would be very very very bad. So then I skip it and try for the night time walking but that doesn't happen because im sometimes raiding in world of warcraft. Dammit I can't wait for cataclysm to come out so I can raid the new content and not be bored to death. Aoiri had it right when he said he was through with this expansion they need to hurry the fuck up with the release date. I really want to play the new dungeons and have new stuff to look forward to instead of being bored off my ass trying to help people get gear. Sigh.

Well im done for the night I am having to stay up till 3 am in the morning to get boxes to move because I want to save money unless I get a job lets pray that I get a job I really really really want one dammit. I dont want too have to stay at my friends house and annoy the ever living shit out of them or have Jeff hide because he can't stand Jade buggy or Cassandra. Which is probally what he is going to do because he is used to being alone. Doesn't matter that we are friends he will still want his space. Well went to my interview and we will see what happens with my background check which I have no felonies or any criminal record whatsoever so that is a shoe in for me. Yeah for a job! Otherwise imma go to school for Dental Assistant like I want to and start making money that way when I get out of school. Well you guys have a great day keep coming back and Ill yell at you later.
Sweet Dreams <3 Cassie

The Reasons why I woke up today

You may leave your complaints to the bitching department otherwise post a comment on my handy dandy upgrades to my blog. :::grins:::

The Reasons Why I Woke up Today!

1) Couldn't stop myself from breathing oh bother the automatic breathing thing shit thats unfair...

2) Another day to breathe in the sunshine

3) Blue Metalic Nail Polish

4) The never ending persuit of Happiness

That should be enough reason for now enough said...