Letting GO of things you dont really need

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Going to sell my beloved couches which is pretty much the only thing that ever had me with those dollar signs in your eyes stopped me dead in my tracks.  Megans going to see if one of her family members wants them and for how much who knows.  Selling the rims to my car that I have bought awhile ago when I had my Saturn.  sad face but the only thing that keeps me going is that I know one day Ill have this all back or Ill be dead and it wont matter much...  I sit here thinking the bright side of this is when I get my new place I will look forward to decorating it again with my own stuff that I will have to work for and buy again.  I keep losing so much of my stuff its starting to bother me again.  Im trying to keep this non caring attitude and be the person I am supposed to be.  My bestie offered me money and that was the nicest thing that has happened all week of course I didn't take it because well I can't do that but the offer was sincere and wonderful at the same time.  Meet new friends now Erik, John, and Tyler happy face new peeps to talk to and of course they are all boys lol.

Smoking is for dummies a public safety message

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NOT EVERYBODY IS GIVEN A CHANCE

To discover they have a sister who lived for most of her life right down the street from me.  Whether we passed each other on the street maybe connected for a few moments our eyes not knowing while glancing at each other thats my sibling.  Our mutual father Marvin Charles Morris aka Butch sired us a very long time ago along with a string of siblings we have yet to discover together although my sister Erika has done a very good job of cyber stalking any potential candidate with alarmingly patience and determination.  Im glad she did this Christmas this past year was hard for me beyond hard you have no idea.  My uncle was being his usual lets abuse anyone around me and see how far I can push people to their breaking point.  I contemplated throwing myself in front of a huge as semi passing by just to get away from him he is that bad.  I really didn't have any friends talked to my friend Bryan every once in awhile but all he said was hey harpy cheer up its not that bad damm you punk you had no idea.  I tried reaching out to people to distract me but they were either too busy or didn't even bother answering their phones.  I rarely let myself get too close to people they find a way of disappointing me and its just easier relying on yourself.  I have a few friends but im trying not to get too close to these crazy ass inhabitants of my general space. 

You have no idea how hard it is to watch a piece of shit human being smoke in the car with babies or small children and not say anything to these dumb ass people smoking in front of their kids is a way of life.  HELLO FUCKING PEOPLE smoking kills or do you think people dying in hospitals every second of the day is just television propaganda to deter you from smoking.  I HATE EVERYONE OF YOU STINKING SONS OF BITCHES thats not respectful of your childrens health you selfish dumb ass oblivous dick heads.  Okay I think I have that out of my system.  I just want to take a baseball bat and bash there mother fucking skulls in thanks mom you gave me cancer and I dont even smoke.  I have asthma and allergies cause my parents are lacking in general common sense.  I wont call you guys retards because even they have more intelligence than you are displaying.  DO you think this is a touchy subject with me more and more I find them doing it and I just want to do shaking baby syndrome to them over and over again till either they drop dead or comatosed.  Yeah thats pretty much all I have to say about that okay back to talking with my sister and rocking out to music thats todays rant EYES BIG.  Nobody ever said I was going to be sunshine and rainbows this bitch has teeth and I know how to use it....

Finding your soulmate 101

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For my sister in the ever relenting quest for searching for your soul mate...

1. Make yourself a better person. Instead of waiting for your soulmate to appear, make yourself apparent to him or her. Become the spectacular human being you want to be. Expressing your individuality is the closest you can come to advertising your soulmate potential. Not only will you stand out, but you'll also be doing things that are more likely to bring you closer to your soulmate, who probably has similar interests and goals.


2. Remember that your soulmate might not be what you expect. If there's only one person in the world who can be your soulmate, what are the chances that she'll live in your town, look like the people you grew up with, or even speak the same language? If you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. So keep an open mind. Part of the romance of having a soulmate is being pleasantly surprised.
3. Be patient. Fate doesn't work on a schedule. Your soulmate might cross your path when you're 8 or 80 years old. Yes, you might look forward to spending the majority of your life with your soulmate--perhaps buying a house, getting married, starting a family--but it may or may not be in the cards. A soulmate isn't always a lifemate. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things, or else you might end up forcing the wrong person into the soulmate box, which will cause pain for everyone involved.
4. 4
   Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. When you've got all these fantasies flying around in your head about how wonderful and special your soulmate will be, it can be easy to look for those specific characteristics and features in anyone you get involved with. Unfortunately, unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship, and might even chase your soulmate away. Whoever it is that you think might be your soulmate, appreciate their individuality and trust that if this person is your soulmate, they'll never need to change who they are for you, just like you'll never need to change who you are for them.
5. Weather the storms. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." Things won't get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along.

Find yourself before you find your soulmate. Once you're happy with yourself, a soulmate will make you even happier, but no one can fill a void created by not knowing who you are. Only you can do that.

The more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet your soulmate, so try and talk to as many people as possible. You never know if the next person you talk to could be your soulmate.

Pursue interests and activities that mean a lot to you. The Internet has made this a whole lot easier. Check forums, listings, classifieds, and Internet mailing lists (known as "listservs") for local events or meetings that are likely to attract people with similar interests or passions.

Don't be too picky. If you keep holding out for the perfect person, you're guaranteed to miss out. If you're in a room full of people with similar interests, you should be able to pick out one or two people who you'd like to date--not 10, not 0. Make it a point to not leave the event without showing interest and making a connection with a few people.

When you meet someone who feels like soulmate potential, don't get carried away. It's so easy to get lost in fantasies of how awesome your relationship might be, but with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes those expectations are unrealistic! Make it a point to remind yourself that this new person is human, which means they're not perfect. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and forgive, rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect.

While you're waiting for your soulmate, people might question why you're single. They might even imply that something is "wrong" with you if you're "still" single. Brace yourself for that kind of ignorance. Remember that you don't have to defend your being single, just like it's rude to attack the validity of someone's relationship.

Have you ever wanted or looked for something, but only found it when you stopped looking? The same principle might work for finding your soulmate. Become so busy with your life that you totally forget about meeting your soulmate and, odds are, that's when your soulmate will pop up.

Another tip would be to NOT date the same person five times. Even if he/she is your soulmate/love-of-your-life the fact that you broke up fives times says a lot. Just move on. Stop thinking about this person and questioning "what if?" because chances are that if you didn't get those "what ifs?" answered in the five times you were together, it's not going to work out a sixth time.

Know who you are, know what you want, and know how to get what you want. Most importantly, be love, be loving, and be lovable. Love will find you and you will find it.

This may have been said a lot but be patient. Good things actually come to those who are patient, so live life and have fun. Be the definition of your soulmate and he/she will come running to you. The link between you and finding your soulmate is faith. Don't EVER lose that.

Been awhile I know but I didn't want to write about nonsense or anything that isn't important.  A few things has happened since the last time I have written.  First off I live in Richland Mississippi population maybe a few thousand smiles if I'm lucky.  A huge highway goes right smack down the middle of the town which is the main road that has all the shopping centers.  I found out who are my real friends and who isn't.  I found out that family will disappoint you and you have to try to forgive them but not forget that they aren't to be trusted at all under no circumstances.  That aunts who say they love you agree with your evil uncle just to keep the peace because they are afraid to open their mouth to a tyrant who rules with an iron mouth full of hateful words and manipulation.  I learned even when you are all alone that God sees all and is watching you so try to act your best even when no one is looking.  That no matter what is said about you they can't change your opinion of you that you should live in the sunshine that's in your mind and remember your happy place.  I can't change the people's mind but I can show them with my actions.  I had to get rid of cousins who didn't or couldn't be there for me because once again my uncle wouldn't allow it.  It's easier to go with the system then fight against it and live with the uncomfortable consequences when it makes your life hard.  I can understand and forgive you Denise Ellis but I was there for you even when I was tired and had to go to work you and Steven.  I supported you when you wanted to go back to your cheating husband who abandoned you to your dads house with no income.  Cause I know what it is like to live without your heart because of foolish pride and stupidity.  When he was making your life miserable I answered your call no matter if I was sleeping or busy because I knew you needed someone to listen to you cry and vent your frustrations to someone.  I know the people you love will disappoint you time and time again but there are some people who don't I have a few of them you know who you are.

I now have a sister named Erika Morris who I learned of a few months ago.  I guess my father did a few things right in his life time.   Erika and I have developed a bond in a short amount of time the loneliness isn't so great. I'm trying to put into words all that has happened in a few short months but its really hard to do I just feel that she was put in my life in a time when I really needed it.  She is a blessing to me.

My moms health isn't the best and she is clear across the states and it would be hard for me to get to her.  It makes me sad about my situation but I'm plugging along trying to smile even though I can barely stand it.   Grandma Ola isn't the best person to be around or even live with she has grown old and mean in her age when Cherry finds this out I wonder how she is going to take it.  

It is hard being in a new place and having to put 100lbs of groceries on a bike and get it from point a to point b without retards trying to hit you with their car.  I realize what I am capable of that sort of strength I didn't realize I possessed I know my kids need it.  I don't ask for help not from Bobbi not from anyone here their isn't really a point because if they said no they would disappoint me.  The only time people call me is when they want something that I can do for them.  I feel a thousand miles away from family even though within an hours time traveling they live in walking distance.  I really hate the holidays down here and hope that I will not be subjected to any Xmas down here because that would be a lonely occasion how in the hell would I get a tree to my house?  Where would I even begin to search for one and I know for a fact that that damn thing would be fucked up by the time I dragged it home.

I am thankful that I have a job even if its minimum wage something a few other people would like to have I'm good at it but damn do they try my nerves.  I still get the groupies calling in and complaining about me that hasn't changed I doubt unless I move it will still always happened he always has to bring people down if he doesn't get his way.

I am trying to define my life here in the endless cycle of go to work; cook food; clean the house; and go to sleep.  We can't afford to do anything I'm struggling to stay afloat if it wasn't for my mom we would be sunk.  I have forgiven Bobbi but I keep her on a short leash I know that she is pumping me for information about my mother so Steve would know.  I just want to wake up in my own house with my own stuff and not have to worry about bugs that chase you around and fly.  I want to be happy again even if its fleeting and find someone who can stand my quirks and flaws and love me for me.  Good luck smiles