Evil Monkeys are brought to you by Neopets

I was reading some poetry in my junk mail storage at aol since they are the king of pop ups which I detest greatly. May I tell you I hate those freaking pop ups because it screws with my online games that require speed and the less time you take the more neopoints you get. So low and behold I wrote a poem nothing special I wrote till my fingers told me to stop. A first in awhile since I have been busy with neopets playing there games and building me a shop to corrupt those little people in my evil monkeys shop. Laughs this one will probally kill Sandman but I just had to do it. So without further waste of time here is the link enjoy.Evil Monkeys and here is my lovely shop Alloira's shop. As you can see I have been busy and I thought this would make you laugh that a grown woman could easily be corrupted by a childs site. Damm there evil souls I know that there is an evil monkey laughing at me right now...

My evil monkey that has invaded the neopet world is here to corrupt and dominate my blog. Thanks to you faithful readers for coming back even though from time to time I become depressed and a little sissyfied. Well here is a picture dedicated to the monkey master because even he can't stop the rule of the monkeys.

I will post more later currently I am stocking my shop and the peeps from neotopia keep me busy. I am currently constructing a guild so if you want to join it I will be more than happy to add you to my neofriends list. Once again its Alloiratheviking. or Scruffymuffy007. Hugs kisses cassie

Nothing much to say except that I love Neopets which in itself is very cool. My little shop there is thriving and I will host weekly free stuff giveaways just because I can and that fact that I enjoy giving away free stuff to people. The site is totally free and guess what for those who hate and love Monkeys there are monkeys there but they aren't called monkeys. Sands my man you will just have to check the site out yourself and figure out what they are called. I thought about posting them in Evil Monkeys site just on your left which would make for an entertaining little skit but declined myself since I am sucked into the vortex they call Neotopia. I have a pretty cool site filled with fairies and all sorts of edible food they have on that neat little planet of there's. There are games galore that I can win Neoppoints from there currency which I am bound and determined to become a tycoon of sorts. I buy, sell, trade for cold hard NP which if you are a slight fan of that game will defiantly become addicted like I am. I got some of my friends to play the damm game along side of me which I am slowly corrupting the adults of america which I am proud to say I am not the only one there are 43 year olds playing the game. So now I don't feel like a complete loser right now except that sorry ass me had to go and get fired. Which I knew was coming when they kepted writing me up for petty stuff day after day. Kind of hurts because Christmas is coming around and I wanted to do something for my family for christmas. Guess that is not happening unless by some miracle of chance I get hired at a major hospital like I planned.

I get really frustrated out here and wonder if I should just pack my bags and leave sometimes but then I would be giving up and I still have some fight left in this old dog. So when things start to look up I want you all to pinch me and pinch me good. Well I am going to bed if you are on Neopets look me up I am Alloiratheviking. I have a cool little shop there where you can buy some pretty reasonable priced stuff which helps you if you are on a fairy quests. If you are my friend I will definitely cut you a break and set you up with a little gift package to help you on your feet like some cold hard NP. I think the battling style they have is completely boring which needs to be revamped a little because you sit there about dying and wishing you never stuck your foot into the battledome. Happens but the stupid bunching bag bob about drove me nuts from boredom because he could not do any damage to kill you but it took forever if you are a new pet trying to make a name for yourself. Well all you lovelies kisses to you all. Sleep is a good thing.

I miss a little cave surrounded by pictures and swords that always freezes the hell out of me but it was a comfortable place. Specially if you are wearing my favorite comic strip character Garfield hat upon your head to keep your ears warm.

Night

Well I got fired the other day so now I am jobless right before christmas hopefully somebody will hire me so that we don't become homeless too. I am really irritated with the way they treated me but what can I do sue them for wrongful termination? I don't have the time or energy to pursue that sort of thing will just eat more of my time and get me more irritable then I was before. But I did have a nice thanksgiving with family and calling people to wish them a happy Thanksgiving. I will call other people in other states after 9:00 so that I can save money and it doesnt cost me a fortune. Well talk to you later I am too damm fat from eating all that damm food mmmmmmm yummy.

I have been really down these last few days but I think things will turn around I am going to buy a car for $200 which may seem like little but my friend Carla and Cliff know where to get this car that's pretty cool because his ex did something to piss him off so her loss my gain I say. Tomorrow I am going to apply at Kaiser and St. Agnes which are pretty cool because they currently make more money there than where I work at. I am suspended for three days probally going to get fired because a charge nurse said I didn't pass my nourishment which I did but they refused there food. There are pretty alert residents so they can refuse without me lying which they backed up my explanation saying the nourishment and I quote are shit. But the charge nurse I think is in league with Donna whom doesn't like me because they were they with there nasty comments degrading me as usual. It was all I could do not to smack that ugly smug look off there face. Have you ever had that Incredible Hulk rage that you just wanted to destroy the object of your insane rage. Well if my body could have turned green and I got myself hulked out I think I would have killed the evil wench on the spot. But you know quite frankly I am actually happy because I know in my heart what happened and whatever they do to me know I will have the last laugh. It hurts because things are so chaotic but hey I am going to get a car maybe not in the best shape but hey it will get me to point a and point b.

I had a really good time drunk half a beer which I really wanted to chase down with some other alcolhol but 10 big gulps and I handed the rest back to Cliff who happily drank the rest for me. After that my mood for drinking had passed in its intensity. I know I could easily drown my sorrows in a lovely drunk haze but that's not my style but damm sometimes a little vacation from reality is in order. I do not regret a lot of things that have happened in my life I know that they happen for a reason. I was just told the other day that maybe the reason why they rub me so hard is that I am supposed to pray for them?!!! Well evil wenches I will pray that so how God will work some serious mojo and change the hearts and minds of some very evil devious people.

Right now I am not worried for some damm reason which in truth I should be but I just know things are going to turn around which I hope things do. I am glad that I decided to pick up the phone and call some friends and just hang out. Mopping around my house will not solve my problem or lift this heavy burden on my shoulders any lighter.

I am a fighter and I will continue even if its only in mere inches trudge forward and make the best of a lousy situation. My $20 gift certificate from work for dedication and loyalty went to buying some frozen pizza and watching the Hulk. Hence the references to the movie which I have to say is a kick ass movie. Pardon the pun. Well I am off to soak all those tired muscles and pent up anxiety right off my body with some steaming hot water. And hopefully lose some much needed tension because I am a huge ball of pent up negative energy that has to be turned positive with positive thinking.

Thank you Gary for your much needed kind words and prayers. I know in the end things will work out I just hate that I have to feel so damm frustrated but it only makes me a more creative person. Muah to all my readers may you stay safe and secure on the way to your Thanksgiving weekend. Love you all even the lawbreakers

You may leave your complaints to the bitching department at Alloirtheviking@aol.com otherwise post a comment on my handy dandy upgrades to my blog. :::grins:::

People are fucking sad, man
Frustrated and wounded, their words bleeding rivers onto
the paper
with a ship of solitude
but a sail of catharsis riding these tides of love, loss, and
loathing
they make their way crying out disgusts with life,
immeasurable, unknown, inner pain.
loneliness inescapable

Harsh passion chiming cheers of denouement
suicide chants
cries through pen and the simplicity of words

but they find they are yelling into caves and are afraid of
their own echoes
they see only outlines of themselves in poetic ramblings
and paint pictures with dark brushes dipped in black

**A yell**

Do not scream, I already see you.

So
Rise my softened leaf blown too suddenly in the wind
it has been a long journey to the ground
I could never remove my eyes though
because the fluttering and dancing you made during your
dissent
was those most beautiful motion I’ve ever seen
your light,
dim though it may be
always enchants me in the dark of these overwhelming evenings
and I smile that you feel alone
you who reaches out in expression
and words

your pain is yours
but it is not unique

Let us bathe in springs and swing from willows
let us taste life and share the flavors
and let our pain dance around each other till they grow
dizzy and collapse

I know you too.

Not fired which is the good news because they found me not at fault but the reality that you could get fired over someone else's screw up hurts a lot. But I am going to look for another job hopefully god willing I will get a better job so that I can get a car in January. That's all that keeps me going lately is knowing that January is so damm close and tax returns will get me one step nearer to my goal of going back to school for Rn. That reality of the situation is that I am stuck here in this situation where I can't change the circumstances of my life. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to catch up at all.

I must reintroduce the same subject that I have been relunctantly unable to live without is my independence. My ability to do it by myself and not ask for help from others have stuck with me till I don't know when. I got into an argument with Motau on the phone because I don't ask for help when I really need it because in reality I can't depend on nobody but myself. Well at the end of the conversation he said if I need help then ask him. Well I humbled myself enough to ask him for help and he says he will think about helping me pay for the new bedroom set that Cassandra really needed in her room. Think about helping me when I have been doing it for 7 years by myself. I ask you to help because I have just been financially fucked for the last 4 months and you have to think about helping your daughter get a new bed for Christmas. So my point is this don't say that I am too damm independent when you won't help me in the first place with anything for your daughter when you will not even send me money to pay for your daughter. Paying 95 dallors every two weeks is kind of pathetic don't you think when my rent is 580 a month which I pay by myself and no one helps me? I ride my freaking bike to work when he gets to live rent free with his parents and has the nerve to tell me he will think about helping me buy a bedroom set for my daughter. How I hate men in general who use women destroy them till they are bitter harden bitches who think that no matter how good there life is there is always something along the way waiting to destroy whatever goodness they possess into nothingness. I can remember when I had hope for the future even in my darkest hour I would rise triumphant with hope and love still beating in my heart. Now all I see is the cruelest passionless world shining its ugly head at me. Till my will to conquer gets smashed down as I try to make whatever prosperity for my family and I see these ugly people holding me back from something that could ultimately help me to succeed. All I say to you is that God will get you in the end you may hold me down now but in the end when I am in the kingdom of heaven there I shall reap the rewards of eternal peace.

Very bad day today because I am looking at getting fired which hasn't ever happen to me before due to circumstances beyond my control like not having the right equipment for the job which I am going to sue for if I lose my job. But I think it will go my way if not I will be a very pissed off person because this goes on your permanent record which could spell something scary and send my ass packing for jail. Hard to realize that just this morning I was complaining about actually having to go to work when I could lose all my income all together. So all in all this has been a terrible 3 years of my life which steadily has gone down hill for awhile. I am hoping that Brandon's connections with his cousin can land me a job at Kaiser which makes more money before I get fired or have a black mark on my name. Hopefully these things will go my way and I can quit without things looking bad. Damm if you do dammed if you don't which tomorrow I am going to contest all that has happened to me. The severity of the situation is unreal and I am pretty down about it. Depression will be rearing its ugly head as Christmas time is nearing which I picked out a lovely set of Bedroom stuff for my daughter. New bedroom set which I thought would make my daughter happy and make her feel special because it is a kids set not an adult set which is pretty mismatch right now. I still will continue to get it since my mother has graciously agreed to pay for it till I get a job so that I can take over the payments personally. I am getting humbled more than I can say and I am trying to figure out what the hell the meaning of kicking me so low that even the will to live gets unbearable. I keep wondering how much I can take before my fragile mind cracks under the pressure of this chaotic situation. My goals are steadily getting pushed further and further away and I am afraid that maybe even if I get my tax returns that I still will be carless, homeless, and kidless. I knew even my best efforts are in vain right now that some how there is this cosmic joke of how much stress we can put upon Cassandra before she goes over the edge of insanity. The pressure is mounting and my poor face is the one to suffer the consequences as I broke out with hives upon my face and arms. I know that I am not supposed to scratch them at all but damm they sure are itchy. I am off to bed under the covers where for a little while my dreams are my own to control even if my life is in shattered pieces on the floor?!!!

So my general feeling right now is of profound sadness and despair as I look forward to spending the holidays either at my family's or at a shelter. Pray for me good folks that I keep my job and hopefully God willing that whatever lady luck is doing right now she will shine a ray of light upon my head so that all the bad luck that I have experienced in my life will turn around and thinks will look good for my future. I know that I sound like a broken record but damm folks enough is enough. Well I am off to bed... Tootles

She does it again folks

Well in case you are wondering I have revamped my Poetry page a little more which will continue to change as I get the time and energy to devote some precious time to it. Tell me what you think of the page which I personally like the blog layout. I am a brilliant person if I do say so myself by adding what other people make and recreating it to make it my own with a little tweak here and there to perfect what I like. I will add a little clock feature on this thing to get a freaky button pushing thing going on so I hope you enjoy.

I love being creative and just talking to folks online nothing in particular just talking about daily activities specially videogames and poetry. You say one of those two little words and then you have my attention like nothing else even sex folks. I like talking to my friends on the phone bugging them on the telephone every now and then. Yes I do feel guilty for calling them when I know they probally don't want to hear from me at all because if they did they would call me first??? Yeah I can say regretfully that I don't have as many friends as I would like to because my tendency to put my foot in my mouth and speak exactly what's on my mind. Hey if I see something wrong I am going to tell you straight away and in a hurry which is something that most people can't handle. Carla and Cliff have been here for awhile and I have only seen them twice that has to say something huh?!! Everybody is pretty busy and doesn't need to be dragged down by me or my problems I guess. Or don't want to be bothered with me in the first place. Hell I don't even get emails from my friends which I have quit writing them because I hate not getting a letter in return pisses me off like nothing. So if you are wondering why I am not writing you is that you didn't reply to my emails and I feel that my effort is in vain. I hate wasted energy I want to know that something I take my time for is given at least a fair amount of energy to in return.!!!??? Is this crazy or what?

I know that I can be selfish in the extreme that I expect so much from my friends and most of the time I am sadly disappointed when they forget my birthday. I don't expect presents or cards but a nice call would have been nice or even a quick hello. But that didn't happen whatsoever which hurt more than I could say in person. They didn't even care enough to acknowledge my birthday because most of them forgot or didn't want to be bothered. Thanks

I remembered Brandon's birthday today which I am a disappointed that he didn't even wonder what I sacrificed to buy him a cake plus dinner and a birthday card. I didn't get to eat for awhile which I waited till I got home because usual I don't have enough time to make anything. Nothing is ever made for me for work so guess what its either eat what the residents are eating or starve. And there food there is shit. I realize that people will take you for granted unless you completely go away and when they actually remember you then they wonder hey where did that person go who use to do this or that.

My most secret fear is not to be remembered by anyone because I can name the few people who love me completely on one hand. My Grandmother, My two kids, and my brother which leaves an extra finger kind of dangling out there lonely. People who have said they have loved me lie like they normally do to either get what they want from me mostly to use me or get money form me. I get tired of being disappointed by the people I care for when all they simple have to do is love me in return. That is not asking for much at all. You know who you are who have lied to me on a daily basis treating me like shit and made me want to give up everything and just plain go away from anybody I have ever known. You have kicked me so low that I thought I couldn't see the bottom of the whole you have dug for me. The bitterness is spilling out of me like a seeping wound and I am powerless to control my rising emotions. Hell I am considering taking some depression pills to see if that will mellow out my moods long enough to make since of my chaotic life?

You know I had an idea of getting some other members on my blog so that they can add some little tid bits of there lives here so that I can remember it later when I have Alzheimer's which my luck I will get. And the only record of my memories will be stored on a computer that I will have no freaking idea on how to use. So if you would like to be a member of my blogging team email me a little message as to why you think you want to be here and I will read it. As time permits I am running out of time and things to write on my blog which to you probally seem apparent as the ace of clubs. So tell me what you think of my little idea which of course is non too original so whatever you can sue me for my bicycle if you want.

Dear Readers,

Currently under recontruction is my immune system which has been invaded by aliens and has caused me all kinds of hell. Which are the following but not limited to sneezing, watery eyes, coughing, hacking. vomitting, nausea, itchy throat, itchy eyes, blowing nose too much, raw tender nose, lack of appetite, can't taste anything with my taste buds, tired, irritable, and a million others that I can name but would be redundant. As you know alien life forms are green and slimey and I got about a million of them coming out my nose to invade and infect all those out there in the universe with a simple sneeze I can launch those suckers a million miles. So if anybody is sick its more than likely I have infected you with my deadly strain of alienitis. Commonly know as the flu with a touch of a high grade fever to makes things a little more interesting. Which I have been playing Neopets in my semi-conscious state which I have gained more money in my stupidity than ever in my normal state. Has to say something about my intelligence doesn't it. Hey folks I a stupid poor girl from California and I don't recommend you following in my footsteps cause I am quite boring.

Well I am off to read a book and maybe get some story ideas to maybe one day become a world famous writer that will rock your world. Obviously it will be my luck that I will be famous when I am dead and the money will go to my children while I die some horrible death in a retirement home for the aged and the incompetent. Joy is my life...

Muah kisses all your cheeks. Love ya

Dammit well my computer goes on the strike leaving my previous entry an no go so I had to start over with this post. You know I really hate that because usually I don't go into much thought or what topic I am going to post tonight or later. I like the off the cuff stuff so that I can't edit it or take something out of here that would likely offend you peeps who read my blog cause frankly (sorry Frank for taking liberties with your name) I don't give a shit if you like it or not. It's my little piece of the net which I can mold and create as I see fit. Although I personally like it when you do comment to see how well my site is getting its ratings from the public which gives me an idea if I have actually gone too damm far in my word usage or content. I do enjoy shocking the shit out of people with the barest of facts of what I do. I try to go easy on the information that I put here so that you can't find me if you want to stalk me from the internet to my brave little apartment. That would be kind of freaky but you are welcome to bicycle along with me to and from work if you would like. My life is pretty boring unless you count the occasional call from a friend who feels guilty enough to call me.

On a related topic I got a pretty new cell phone with color screen on it with some damm cool pictures which I have promptly named my interesting new phone Jasmine. Not quite sure why I just chose the name off the top of my head. Although it doesn't have the nice cool feature that Priscilla had like a damm alarm to alert me to get up or set ahead on a timer so that I can remember to do my yard checks. It does have a lot more features than my last phone did which text messaging would be cool if you actually want to be kind enough to send me a cheer up you loser message would really make my day... I might go into cardiac arrest but hey that's not your problem.

My cousin Denise called me today from Mississippi to get back in touch which of course you know is one of my favorite cousins because our time was short to get to know her well. But she is pretty awesome and we hit it off well the few weeks we got to make up for all the time we didn't get to play as children. The games we did play when we were together specially with the boys who wanted to flirt with us both. Although they did wonder if we were lesbians a lot because we were always hugging or kissing each others cheeks as the custom to do when you know you only have so much time. I honestly do miss her and would love to have her move up here but that is never going to happen unless a miracle of God will happen to chance her to move down here. She got a divorce from her stupid and idiotic husband who treated my cousin like shit when she is a princess deserving of a handsome prince instead of an ugly redneck cowboy who doesn't know shit from syphilis in my ever opinionated brain. Did I mention that he is a rotting corpse of a man destined to be eaten by maggots when he dies???? (Madame Cassandra predictions always come true the boy will be pushing up daisy in the future you can guarantee that one buddy)

On other news from the work place I have a different shift as well you know but my friend Leticia is moving to another job in a few weeks which I find is sad. I really enjoy working with her plus Vivian and Shunte can't forget my partners in crime. I like yelling out obscenities at passerby's who happen to get the idiot award for being just plain dumb. Shunte bought me some chicken today at Albertson's which I originally asked for a 6inch sandwhich and the gentlemen behind the counter promptly said there are no 6 inches here. Looking at the menu I blushed a fiery red color to match my hair because I had to look up and there directly in huge bold letters says 7 inch sandwhiches and 12 inch subs. I meekly declined the 7 inches when Vivian spoke up and said give me the 7 inches if you dare. He laughed and said he had only 12 inches for her and only if she was hungry enough to eat it all. Being amused at this blantant flirting I stood in the sidelines as Vivian expertly and delicately declined his offer of 12 inches and settled herself into 7 inches of Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, and salad sandwhich which you know he added extra stuff just because. I laughed when he offered to pay for all of our meal which he did and Shunte (whom previously offered graciously to pay my way) was free from obligations of donating her money to the cause of my rumbling stomache. :::Go me::: I don't know why but Vivian who is extremely attractive for a female always gets free stuff no matter where she goes. Free drinks at clubs, Free food at McDonald's (was a witness to this occasion this is how I ate for free before!!!) ,Rally's which is down the way from our work, and the list could go on forever but that girl has major mojo in her female arsenal. Work it girl work it. ::::cracking up:::::

My friend is currently trying to rid himself of his drug habit which he has been successful so far but there are many obsticals in his way like a drug abusing sister who can't seem to take care of here kids which are a step away from CPS been called on her dumb ass. I can't understand people and there responsibility or how they justify the safety of there children over an addiction to a certain drug. I have never been a drug addict so I do not know first hand what type of feeling you have or the need that takes over your very life but I can be at least sympathetic for awhile. My friend is trying very hard to change his life only thing I can offer him is words of encouragement and hope that he is smart enough to change his ways and know that its never to late to change. I do believe he has it in him to become something other than what he has been doing in the past. I have know him for several years and often wonder at how a smart man could just be plain ass stupid but hey it happens you know.

Okay kiddo's lets fade back a few years back when TMNT's (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Garbage Pail Kids (one of my personal favorite's), Leggos which have never gone out of style, and the ever impressive G.I. Joes which I liked Lady Hawk. Why did I mention this because hey peeps out there I personally played with this stuff along with My Little Ponies, Rainbow Brite (Loved her and the beautiful Unicorn), Barbies of course. But I liked Transformers better and would trade them in an instant for Transformers Transformers
which I had to about tackle my brother to play with them. I am sorry but girl toys are so boring sometimes its not funny. But hey I never miss the chance to dress up as a girl from time to time. LOL when I have the time is about right cause when do I have it? Well got to to talk to some peeps yack at you later love always you know who Alloira...

Things I wonder about

Things I wonder about

Have you ever dreamed of a poem but when you woke up your are only left with the feeling but not the words?

Several times as a matter of fact and it makes me frustrated because I know it is probally the most beautiful poem I could have ever created and its lost in my dreams

How in the hell do you get those words out of your head that I know are lingering on your tongue to paper form to express the inner creativity that is lurking its ever elusive head? I want it so bad I can taste it but the ability still evades my creative talents where I feel the most frustration.

I know that I have it in me to write something beautiful and awe inspiring maybe not the drive or the gumption to put it forth from my mind to paper. I have the will but not the power to provoke the magic that Anne Rice and stephen King can evoke with the power of there talent. I am jealous of all hell with there simple inevitable power they can create such remarkable precision. To be able to tell a story and have many people read them. That ultimately is my goal to actually put into words the dreams that I have into reality and put to paper. That would make this girl extremely happy. My friend Jason gave me the bite of the writer with his notebooks of poetry and simple writings of a teenager and a young man in angst. Which I am profoundly grateful for the simple gesture of being the first person to be nosy enough to look and dwell into the depths of an amazing person's soul. I feel that simple touch of generosity exploded something inside me to share what little gift I have with words to share with the world. I do not hold any illusions that I will ever be a famous writer but it would be nice to have experienced something the angst in writing a novel and get recognition for your works.

Take my friend Sandman who is incredibly talented with his artwork as well as a struggling writer whom I know will make an excellent novelist given half the chance. I believe in the magic of his world and hope that his dreams come true whatever lies in that secret heart of his. He has talent out the wazoo that could still even the darkest of hearts.

My friend John who can capture your soul in a picture has the amazing gift of taking photos. Although he has yet to take it to the next level I believe that his talents are just emerging and can fully awaken when he puts a little more energy and direction to it. But I do believe he would make an excellent photographer of naked women because he would seriously die and be happy....

Do I believe that a perhaps a benevolent soul will come into my life and change my future?

I doubt it because I have a serious run of bad luck but I am ever persistent in my believe that things happen for a reason and maybe you have to work hard at something you want. Even if its not exactly what you had in mind. That the powers that be know exactly where you need to be and when one door closes several others are there taking its place even though it might not be exactly what you want. Somewhere down the road you will find out what the true meaning of it will be. What that is exactly and where I am going has always been a mystery to even me but I am ever determined to make my mark on this world whether it be good or bad. Mostly I hope that I can leave a piece of me behind that others may understand me for the person that I am not the illusions that I like to surround myself and share with you.

What I would like to be is someone who is loved and cherished by someone who could ultimately change her perception of the world around her. Change all this dark and grey matter to something as brillant as a rainbow in the sky. I have longed for something to be beautiful as the time of a first kiss as you experience anothers lips upon your soft gentle flesh. That feeling of a first tenative spark that sets your heart pounding in your chest and a rush of blood roaring in your veins. I know that all this is possible with the right person in your life. I know this is probally confusing to some of you that reads my blog on a daily basis. I feel like this 90% of my life and have grown attached to my friends emotionally. That if there were to die that part of me would die with them. I have had several dreams where I have woke up crying because I dreamed of there death. I know that when they die I will feel shattered and useless that the light that I have in my heart will dim with there passing. That life will weigh heavy on my heart till I feel the urge to scream or cry and talk to them as if they were still alive. I have had conversations with my friends when I pray to them when they have passed over. That I keep them in my heart is a testiment to there memory. That I love you enough to make you a very necessary part of my life. Okay I am going now I have said to much... But my friends are my life in the essence that they keep me sane in there ever quest to sort out there own issues...

Blue skin equals love...

Blue skin is so sexy specially on him



Well I find this guy extremely attractive because of the markings on his body and that his character is widely misunderstood in the movie until the end... But I have always like the actor himself in his 007 days playing a computer nerd turned traitor... Enjoy

Music to Soothe the Savage Beast

Music moves me in a way that soothe my soul in its stumbling nature as I putter around trembling in my heart. I can get lost in the lyrics where for a time I am beside myself. Walking along like a dear lost friend observing the different aspects of my life where problems seem stupid and petty. I can forget for a time the rain pouring down on my forehead chipping away the hard foundation that creates me. Weighing down my soul along with my clothing as I bicycle along day dreaming and listening to the music that is going on in my headphones. This is what keeps me going when I ride 14 miles to work and back the endless thought that hey at least my bills are getting paid and I am not homeless this month. That I am doing this by myself with no help from no one that is a huge medal on my chest.

New Updates: Poetry

Well low and behold I wrote some new poetry nothing too fancy but hey its me in a nutshell so I hope that you can enjoy it. Nothing much happening here except that I am waiting for my Neohome to be built which takes a few hours to do one room at a time which is extremely frustrating and specially when you put in the furniture for your neopet and it doesn't stay where you put it. So when you go to review the room it is bunched up in the corner like a hurricane hit the room with severe force!!! Oh well you can't really expect much from a free online game spot. Well dear readers I got to go to bed I hope that you enjoy the poetry which I will be posting time to time when I get inspired to write something emotional in words. CHow

On a side note: Have you noticed when you click on to the links that the stars come out to whisk you off to another world. I do not know if you have noticed but it reminds me of fairy dust and pixie trickery...

Neo Pets are awesome

Well just got back from playing Neo Pets Online which is totally fun and I am addicted. Childish I know but hey its my life right. Well not much going on except that I like my new shift in the mornings except when it rains. They have forcasted showers tomorrow so I am hoping it will wait till I ride my bike to work and wait till I get home! Do you think I will get lucky??? Probally not but here's hoping that a little ray of sunshine will follow me all the way to work. Please Please pretty please.. Well got to go enjoy the new link... Muah Cassandra

Dying to be young

...::Dying to be Young::...

Okay kiddo's I am going to tell you an embarrasing truth about myself that if you go and tell everyone I will have to definetely kill you. So please keep this secret between you and me. As you probally know I dyed my hair the other day a :::Gothic Red Color::: that leans toward dark blood red which next week I am going to chunk it black and add red sheen highlights towards the tips of the hair just because I can... Well during the dying process since I have done this many a time I forgot the #1 rule of dying add a little lotion or vasaline around the neckline which subsequently died all my facial hair on my cheeks a beautiful dark red. Which as you know females normally have very fuzzy like downy hair upon there body everywhere even though you may not see it. Well guess what it was now promently displayed upon my person which comes to the secret I am currently in the process of discribing. I tried scrubbing the crap out of my face in vain hopes of removing whatever lingering layers of flesh that I have off. But alas a reddened face later I still have a full beard of red going on like I was a dude or something. Being the ever resourceful person that I am I promptly pulled out the ole shaving kit and took a hatchet job on my cheeks and neck to remove the embarrasing sight of me screwing up again. But I still have a delightful trail on my back where the hair is now a dark red on my back instead of being delightfully invisible. I look like a treasure trail that is usually on guys on my back. Although be it the hair is only fuzzies on my back high lighted red instead of long hair with burly patches on the stomache. So I got this kind of cat women cross species thing going on with my body. I was almost smart ass enough to dye my hair down in my neither region but hey I am bald as a baby down there due to frequent lawn mower action down there. Brings to mind a weed wacker and you probally got the idea. Okay I can admit it I don't have the patience to make a cute little design down there by trying to give myself a hair cut. I don't like body hair on me at all which explains why I shave my arms because hair is pretty unsightly. When given the chance I am going to have laser removal surgery performed on me to remove all unwanted hair which means I will save a bundle in razors, shaving cream, and leg moisturizor... Hell I can spend it on more entertaining things like videogames and a new playstation that is coming out soon

So yeah back to the story I had to shave my face which I am praying that will not turn in to a full blown beard if that happens I will take out a loan and get my face lasered for sure cause I am not going through my life with a full blown beard. :::insert laughter::: I just told you my dying disaster stayed tuned for next weeks laughter when I go back to chunk it black and add a little red sheens to it. That should be interesting specially towards my bodily hair that seems to catch hold and take the color into there bosoms. Well more later... Muah (insert kissing sounds to your cheeks)

I figured out what I want in life which is pretty simple in its barest terms and most of you peeps out there will understand fully what I mean. I want to go to sleep with a man who doesn't want to sleep with me (okay he wants to) but just want to hold me. I want someone to love me exactly for who and what I am even if I am the angriest person on the planet. Even though my bad traits out weigh my good traits that wouldn't matter. I haven't been held or kissed by someone who truly loves me in a long time. I miss the feeling of a connection that isn't sexual in nature. The type of cuddly full body holding which I have affectionately called Cuddle Bunny. See dear folks I can live without sex contrary to popular belief and my constant raving of sexual intent. I want love in its barest forms and hey its a plus if its shown and affectionate in its sexual expression with its basic form. Although I have to admit that I like sex very much because its raw passion in its most primal form. There are times when I just want to sit next to a person and want to feel there arms around me holding me closely till I can feel there heartbeat hypnotically lolling me to sleep. I find the most simple gestures like kissing to be more stimulating and more memorable than all the thousand of creative positions you can create up in sex. For once without the ruining of the fragile illusion of love be caught up in a moment of pure and utter bliss of a heartfelt passion filled kiss. This is all I ask before I die is a true love's first kiss after that hell I can live with a lot of things which I have done for most of my life. But don't take away my dream of maybe one day a lucky gentlemen down the road actually cherishing me for the simple fact of being Cassandra Renee Ellis. Not that I truly think this will happen becuase there are 27 year old virgins out there who still are waiting for marriage before partaking in the pleausres of the flesh which in all trappings includes love... I go to sleep with the barest and shattered hope that one day I can ease this burden that weighs my heart down trapping me inside this cave of sadness I bear. Sometimes the bitterness gets so thick that I fight for control within the crumbling stress that surrounds my daily live and my future. I can't help feeling that even my best efforts are not good enough and that no matter how hard I try I just might fail. This literally scares the ever living hell out of me that I, Cassandra can't figure out a solution to a problem that I am famously able to come up with answers. Maybe answers that you might not like but they are quite in fact chooses which some people might not even have the option for in the first place.

I keep being told lately which I know is true that my picture shows profound sadness which I didn't realize that I was so transparent in nature. I thought that my acting skills was better than I was led to believe so I must be ever diligent and keep constant watch upon my expressive feelings. To be honest I feel like I have lived so many lifetimes in my mere 27 years and I am not looking forward to the future because my life is such a struggle. Hell I was even tempted to write to Sharon Osborne of my trouble so that she could find some big wig corporate office to help me out a little bit while I humiliate myself on national tv by crying because they got me a car. I know that all composure would be lost if they did that because I would think hey all I got to do is pay the insurance on that and car tax. All else the big part has been paid for ::::go me::: which normally with interest compounding can rape you blind. Well Goodnight readers I am off to bed because my son wants more attention and it's hard to type this one handed but as you can tell I did a splended job.

Muah :::insert kissy face sound:::: (wipe of blood red lipstick) hey it matches the hair.

Nighty night night....

Music is the spice of LIfe

Music is the spice of Life...

Current music: Avril Lavigne Things I'll never say
(Singing to the music)(dancing in my chair)(singing to my computer screen)

As you can very well tell that there is music now on my blog as I get more HMTL educated (yeah right) :::::insert laughter:::: I learn how to do a little more each day and I encorporate what I learn into my blog which makes a very happy me when I have it the way I want it. I am figuring out animated pictures which I will somehow plug in later when I figure out where to paste the code at. Not easy as it seems but hey I am learning and the book that I have been absorbing like a sponge hey maybe I am smarter than I think? Hmmm maybe not!!!

Anyways the addittude from Brandon increases everyday because I am lacking with whatever I can to help him out financially. Hell I don't know what the hell I can do anymore because I am like a couple steps out the door from my work because they have put false write ups in my folder. Somehow they got the smart idea those evil ass charge nurses Donna and Celia decided to write me up everyday on written warnings that I never signed or even knew about it so there you go. I am currently trying to look for different work at the hospital so that they can pay me more for less work so that I can get a part time job somewhere anywhere as long there is two incomes. I can't depend on no one but myself because hell they don't care enough to help me in the first place. Case in point of actually sticking by my side and declaring there ever lasting love. (laughs) That will be the day that I could ever trust someone enough to let him in my heart as in everlasting love. I do not put hopes in dreams into something that can never be because I know that there will never be another person to love me like myself. If I love myself than that's good enough because men in general suck rocks.

Current Music: Skid Row Remember Yesterday

(Singing to the music)(dancing in my chair)(singing to my computer screen)

On the good part of the day I got to change my assigned shift to A.m. shift which has worked out pretty well because I don't have evil ass charge nurses breathing there vile thoughts down my neck depressing the shit out of me. I actually considered quitting my job because I felt like I was doing something absolutely wrong like actually be myself. Hell fuck the stupid bitches who can't handle a person standing up for herself when another employee sexually harasses her by making inapproperate remarks. And trying to get physically confrontational by backing me up into a corner and just plain being mean to me. I am not scared of the person just the fact that he caught me off guard by coming out of nowhere and I threatened him with a dirty diaper. Should of seen the look on his face when I threatened to wipe shit on him from a resident that has diarrhea. Changed his toon quick, fast, and in a hurry never moved so fast out of my general direction in his life.

Current Music: Lillix Tomorrow
(Singing to the music)(dancing in my chair)(singing to my computer screen)

So I am looking forward to January where I can purchase a new car so that I do not ever have to ride my bike to work ever. I will take my two kids to the park or where ever I want without having to wait upon some good soul to take me. I hate that I have to freeze my ass off to get to work and if it rains GOD help me because it will not be cool. But you have to do what you have to do to get by and make sure your kids are not homeless....

On a positive note I have been throughly humbled by my different circumstances that I will appreciate more the stuff given to me or earned in the near future. (singing still)

I talked to my neighbors who are two struggling teenagers living together under bizarre circumstances making a meager existance on there own. Well things are looking up for them because they have a job to support themselves with there families help.

Well back to cleaning my room talk to you later probally tomorrow or hopefully later...