Have you ever noticed???
That when you are in a run of bad luck everything that is even remotely possible that can happens to you on a daily basis like getting hit by a truck, off work, can't pay bills, almost homeless, working your ass off and getting hurt at work, your starting to get the picture... So when you have hit the bottom of the barrow and they kick you again for good measure you start to wonder what the hell else they are going to do to you. Never ask I have learned this lesson when they do something that just throws you for a loop that was never expected....
Now on to ice cream the most awesome invention on the planet because it comes in so many flavoirs and its cold. Cold yes it comes it a pretty frosty little package that you get out of your grocers freezer. yeah usually square but now a days they are coming in rounded pint size containers. My absolutely favorite flavor is Rocky road there is something about Chocolate and Marshmellows that just makes my day. Add a scoop of Jamocha Almond Fudge and we are talking about one high energy containing taste bud sensations..
Monday, September 29, 2003
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Show me the penis
Show me the Penis?!!!
Have you ever noticed that there are not too many scenes where they show male penis but if you get a movie it shows a lot of female nudity. Its like the penis is a sacred being or something that has to be censored. The lord forbid the actual showing of a little male nudity that women can actually break the myth that the largest penis ever recorded is 4 inches... ( joking) Calling all ladies who are brave enough to actually admit that they were robbed in the penis department from there significant other gladly tell me what the smallest penis you ever had to fake an orgasm with... You constantly see the women are flaunted on the movie screen like ornamental pieces of art. There should at least in my humble opinion the equal flaunting of male flesh to femal flesh so that we can get a basic idea of how big it really should be. I think if we actually got to see what those leading celebrities got packing down below half of them wouldn't be that damm famous because they probally lacking in the meat department.... I mean come on that has to be about the ugliest part of the male body is this limp or hard pieces of flesh hanging down from the body. And I tell you it doesn't get any prettier when it gets older because I have had a bird's eye view of an old wrinkled shriveled penis to make me not want to have sex ever. So what's the point of hiding the male penis or do you not want us laughing our ass off as we see that your package is packing less then what you have been bragging about???? So why do they show breasts are showed constantly but not some penis shot every now and then. The female body is displayed over and over again but the male penis is not even pictured at all unless you get a fast once over that you have to sit very close to the television on a scene to scene button going so slow that even a snail moves faster. So you can actually get a sneak peak of what the celebrities penis actually looks like. ( I can admit it I have actually done this ) I was just curious as to why they had to briefly show it in such a one or two second scene that we do not get to exploit the male penis like the female vagina is always displayed????? HMMM do I think that the producers of film are mostly all male dominated???? Duh you think? Okay that's my bitch for the day...
Have you ever noticed that there are not too many scenes where they show male penis but if you get a movie it shows a lot of female nudity. Its like the penis is a sacred being or something that has to be censored. The lord forbid the actual showing of a little male nudity that women can actually break the myth that the largest penis ever recorded is 4 inches... ( joking) Calling all ladies who are brave enough to actually admit that they were robbed in the penis department from there significant other gladly tell me what the smallest penis you ever had to fake an orgasm with... You constantly see the women are flaunted on the movie screen like ornamental pieces of art. There should at least in my humble opinion the equal flaunting of male flesh to femal flesh so that we can get a basic idea of how big it really should be. I think if we actually got to see what those leading celebrities got packing down below half of them wouldn't be that damm famous because they probally lacking in the meat department.... I mean come on that has to be about the ugliest part of the male body is this limp or hard pieces of flesh hanging down from the body. And I tell you it doesn't get any prettier when it gets older because I have had a bird's eye view of an old wrinkled shriveled penis to make me not want to have sex ever. So what's the point of hiding the male penis or do you not want us laughing our ass off as we see that your package is packing less then what you have been bragging about???? So why do they show breasts are showed constantly but not some penis shot every now and then. The female body is displayed over and over again but the male penis is not even pictured at all unless you get a fast once over that you have to sit very close to the television on a scene to scene button going so slow that even a snail moves faster. So you can actually get a sneak peak of what the celebrities penis actually looks like. ( I can admit it I have actually done this ) I was just curious as to why they had to briefly show it in such a one or two second scene that we do not get to exploit the male penis like the female vagina is always displayed????? HMMM do I think that the producers of film are mostly all male dominated???? Duh you think? Okay that's my bitch for the day...
Friday, September 26, 2003
Christina really rocks
It is not a really big factoid in my life that I love Christina Aguilera whom I think is the most beautiful women upon the planet. I love her song The Voice Within which uplifts me when I am feeling particularly pouty and selfish. I get the low points in my life where I think I can't go on any further usually when I am absolutely exhausted and I still have about 3 hours of work. I seem to grab whatever inner strength I have to push myself further and just continue to put one foot in front of the other. I know that I should be happy that I have a roof over my head and a place to sleep at night. But I often wonder if there is more to it then that.
I have a continued argument and debate with my friend Sands who thinks you can live without love. Hell I know you can live without love because I have for the better part of my life. Cause honestly if this is all I got to look forward to I am seriously going to wonder what the afterlife is all about. Hell I know that things are not always what they seem and when I see the big picture I will have understanding of all the cosmic forces that go on that I am completely unaware of.
Hey its no big secret that I want to be happily married and settled down. I want at the end of my life someone to have actually loved and cherished me for me. Not once do I want the bastard to ever lie to me for his own selfish and pathetic reasons just to appease me for the moment. Cause when I find out I feel like a huge chunk has just been taken from my heart and it makes me all cold and hurting inside. Really hard to explain but I feel less of a person because I think I deserve someone to be honest to me even if it hurts. I have never had real honestly from my relationships because they always take the coward way out because they can't deal with me honestly. You know what I say (GO FUCK YOURSELF) :::angry look now:::: a lot of cussing and very few intelligent words come out of my mouth... I wish that I could use more words then cussing or maybe I should learn another language so that they will not understand the profanity that will come issuing forth when I am highly pissed. I find the verbal sparring to be tedious and unnecessary and eventually end up hurting in the end whether or not I won the match?!!! Because I am not necessarily out for blood just a wanting you to know that you seriously angered me and wanting you to understand how I feel in my shoes...
My best friend should be here in about an hour which I am profoundly happy and giddy cause I haven't seen her in a really long time. I have forgotten our long talks on the phone which I left not knowing what the hell we were talking about except that I enjoyed the conversation. Yes she is the one and only girl that I have kissed fully on the mouth and our tongues have touched. I have slepted in the same bed as her but nothing ever happened... (seriously) She is my partner in crime my opposite who can give me the opposite answer to whatever I am thinking and expand the idea further with her own little techniques. YES I LOVE THE WENCH along with her strikingly good looking husband CLIFFORD.... They are both great and wonderful people whom I am very fond of completely. They have never did me wrong except move away which hey I would to if given the chance.
My music of the day which I love is Smokey Robinson who sings The Tracks of my Tears which is an oldy but goody. I like all of his music because I can relate to or have fond memories of when I was little of my mother whom I think is the greatest and most evil person on the planet. Very Ruthless indeed.
Bands I tend to favor at the moment is Pearl Jam with whom I really like there song Last Kiss, Even Flow, Jeremy, and you get the picture right?
Metallica reminds me of the ever mysterious Sandman whom I care for dearly who I wish that he would have a significant other in his life which we are forever arguing about because he thinks he doesn't need that in his life right now. Mostly I think he is afraid of getting hurt which I am in complete understanding on that issue. But nothing ventured is nothing gained. Someone said that its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Unless you ever gotten your heart ripped out and handed to you on a platter and try to recover from the black bottomless abyss that is now your heart. I guess that is a true enough statement.
John whom I think is a most excellent Photographer and whom I am encouraging he start a web site for the most awesome pictures his brilliant eye develops. I really like talking to him on the phone because it is like talking to a long lost friend. Hey thanks man for listening to me rant and rave when I am particularly feeling bitchy and in need of a friend which is practically everyday.
Jason whom I know is hurting very badly right now emotionally as well as physically I wish you the best. I know that I hardly know you at all due to circumstances beyond all control I wish that things were easier for you in your daily life. That the turbulent shit of this world would let you rest and give you a break now and then...
My new friend Konstantin whom I am rather fond of talking to on the Im messenger on MSN thanks for being brave enough to send me an email. I have really enjoyed viewing the pictures from Moscow which shows me how wonderful and beautiful your wintery country is.
Frank whom I adore is a serious pervert like moi whom I find intriguing and an amazing philospher in his own right. Thanks for the late night talks about just any subject on the planet and whom I find never boring. I can stay up half night which the time passes by with amazing speed (lightspeed?). Hugs...
Well my mother is here to record some music off the net cause she doesn't have a burner which I promised her access to my computer. I miss the sarcastic addittude she gives off.. Huggles my motherly dearly. Well good night I have to go with my friends later to hang out while I cough and hack my way through two hours of fun go me...
Well if you are a first time visitor hello to you and if you are a repeat visitor you lazy bums sign my damm guest books and guest maps thats what they are there for. Thanks to the ones who actually are brave enough to put there name in print....
I have a continued argument and debate with my friend Sands who thinks you can live without love. Hell I know you can live without love because I have for the better part of my life. Cause honestly if this is all I got to look forward to I am seriously going to wonder what the afterlife is all about. Hell I know that things are not always what they seem and when I see the big picture I will have understanding of all the cosmic forces that go on that I am completely unaware of.
Hey its no big secret that I want to be happily married and settled down. I want at the end of my life someone to have actually loved and cherished me for me. Not once do I want the bastard to ever lie to me for his own selfish and pathetic reasons just to appease me for the moment. Cause when I find out I feel like a huge chunk has just been taken from my heart and it makes me all cold and hurting inside. Really hard to explain but I feel less of a person because I think I deserve someone to be honest to me even if it hurts. I have never had real honestly from my relationships because they always take the coward way out because they can't deal with me honestly. You know what I say (GO FUCK YOURSELF) :::angry look now:::: a lot of cussing and very few intelligent words come out of my mouth... I wish that I could use more words then cussing or maybe I should learn another language so that they will not understand the profanity that will come issuing forth when I am highly pissed. I find the verbal sparring to be tedious and unnecessary and eventually end up hurting in the end whether or not I won the match?!!! Because I am not necessarily out for blood just a wanting you to know that you seriously angered me and wanting you to understand how I feel in my shoes...
My best friend should be here in about an hour which I am profoundly happy and giddy cause I haven't seen her in a really long time. I have forgotten our long talks on the phone which I left not knowing what the hell we were talking about except that I enjoyed the conversation. Yes she is the one and only girl that I have kissed fully on the mouth and our tongues have touched. I have slepted in the same bed as her but nothing ever happened... (seriously) She is my partner in crime my opposite who can give me the opposite answer to whatever I am thinking and expand the idea further with her own little techniques. YES I LOVE THE WENCH along with her strikingly good looking husband CLIFFORD.... They are both great and wonderful people whom I am very fond of completely. They have never did me wrong except move away which hey I would to if given the chance.
My music of the day which I love is Smokey Robinson who sings The Tracks of my Tears which is an oldy but goody. I like all of his music because I can relate to or have fond memories of when I was little of my mother whom I think is the greatest and most evil person on the planet. Very Ruthless indeed.
Bands I tend to favor at the moment is Pearl Jam with whom I really like there song Last Kiss, Even Flow, Jeremy, and you get the picture right?
Metallica reminds me of the ever mysterious Sandman whom I care for dearly who I wish that he would have a significant other in his life which we are forever arguing about because he thinks he doesn't need that in his life right now. Mostly I think he is afraid of getting hurt which I am in complete understanding on that issue. But nothing ventured is nothing gained. Someone said that its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Unless you ever gotten your heart ripped out and handed to you on a platter and try to recover from the black bottomless abyss that is now your heart. I guess that is a true enough statement.
John whom I think is a most excellent Photographer and whom I am encouraging he start a web site for the most awesome pictures his brilliant eye develops. I really like talking to him on the phone because it is like talking to a long lost friend. Hey thanks man for listening to me rant and rave when I am particularly feeling bitchy and in need of a friend which is practically everyday.
Jason whom I know is hurting very badly right now emotionally as well as physically I wish you the best. I know that I hardly know you at all due to circumstances beyond all control I wish that things were easier for you in your daily life. That the turbulent shit of this world would let you rest and give you a break now and then...
My new friend Konstantin whom I am rather fond of talking to on the Im messenger on MSN thanks for being brave enough to send me an email. I have really enjoyed viewing the pictures from Moscow which shows me how wonderful and beautiful your wintery country is.
Frank whom I adore is a serious pervert like moi whom I find intriguing and an amazing philospher in his own right. Thanks for the late night talks about just any subject on the planet and whom I find never boring. I can stay up half night which the time passes by with amazing speed (lightspeed?). Hugs...
Well my mother is here to record some music off the net cause she doesn't have a burner which I promised her access to my computer. I miss the sarcastic addittude she gives off.. Huggles my motherly dearly. Well good night I have to go with my friends later to hang out while I cough and hack my way through two hours of fun go me...
Well if you are a first time visitor hello to you and if you are a repeat visitor you lazy bums sign my damm guest books and guest maps thats what they are there for. Thanks to the ones who actually are brave enough to put there name in print....
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Things that I will never tell...
My friend is in town and permanently moved here so that I have someone to talk to instead of chatting over the internet which is fun but is not the same as hanging out with an actual live human being... My namesake is currently causing hell to her grandmother which I am profoundly happy and hopefully causing a whole lot of hell for her grandfather... My head hurts right now but at least I am getting over my cold which seems to have sweated itself out of my body... But I still suffer from a constant running nose... Alright bitch moan wail throw myself down and pout... Oh well shit happens anyways then you get buried ten feet under the ground... :::shrugs::: happens.
For my friend who has everything but doesn't realize the power of his own self being?!! You know who you are so I do not need to mention you here.
Hello John whom probally I haven't talked to in a week or so which I will be blowing up your phone line whenever saying a few sentences doesn't hurt to croak out a few words now and then. The whole hurt when I talk thing is getting pretty old already...
I am tired and cranky from just getting off work so I think I will go take my lazy buttocks to bed and see what happens...
For my friend who has everything but doesn't realize the power of his own self being?!! You know who you are so I do not need to mention you here.
Hello John whom probally I haven't talked to in a week or so which I will be blowing up your phone line whenever saying a few sentences doesn't hurt to croak out a few words now and then. The whole hurt when I talk thing is getting pretty old already...
I am tired and cranky from just getting off work so I think I will go take my lazy buttocks to bed and see what happens...
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Road trip to my favorite place Barstow....
Alloiratheviking@aol.com Email me if you want to leave comments that are not posted to the public...
Road trip to my favorite place Barstow....
My dearest and sweetest person on the planet is currently making her way towards my current destination or living space. I called Cliff on Carla's cell phone since her cell phone will not charge in her car then he was stuck rattling along with me on the phone while I happily asked there ETA time in Fresno. I am happy to say they will be here sometime on Monday since they are at Barstow tonight which is there destination and there pit stop since there daughter ALLOIRA my namesake is driving them absolutely nuts being stuck in the car 24/7. Once she gets out of there car she bolts like a mad cow running toward the different play pens they have a different fast food restaurants. They are going back to the first place I actually met Cliff on Thanksgiving when everything was pretty weird meeting someone you only talked to on the phone late at night or written letters to just to annoy the Vanasty. I will elaborate on that disgusting female later but just believe me you want to stay away from that girl at all costs. You will be happy just to walk away with a STD instead of her latched around your ankles for all time.
Life has been living in and out of Nyquil consciousness which persists of me drooling on her pillow that has a towel on it (my invention so that I can perserve my pillow in its pristine condition) waking up with my nose chalked full of dried buggers. :::turned you on yet:::: (I THINK NOT) :::smiles:::: Which has me running to the bathroom blowing my nose half a dozen times to get them out. Gross. Plus brushing my teeth so that the medicine/bugger taste will get out of my mouth. (DRAGON BREATHE FROM HELL) Consuming water everytime I wake up because my mouth is like the Sahara desert with no rain fall for 10 years. I can feel the cracked and dried mucus on my tongue which grosses me out even more. I am obsessed with brushing my teeth till they resemble or taste like there once winter fresh taste. Gum has been popping into my mouth till the taste has gone all out to hopefully combat the nasty taste in my mouth. I am beating this to death I know but I want to convey how miserable it is to be sick but even worse to have that germy/medicine/mucus running around in your mouth for awhile. :::shakes head:::: NOT fun at all to say the least. Not to mention my nose resembles rudolph the rednosed reindeer because its all chapped, red, and raw from all the blowing of my nose. It's like a leaky faucet that won't shut off no matter what kind of drugs I pump into it to cure it... I hate my weak immune system because it has failed me but I can understand since I being the very last person at my work to actually get sick has to say something. ::::puffs off chest:::: Maybe my body couldn't fight off sickness like superman flings off bullets off his chest but at least I get the honor of being the last nurse standing.
My favorite book which I covet like the last 10 commandments is Steve Vance The Hyde effect and Shapes. I like you to go out and try to find it if you can because I had a copy in Utah which I loaned to my friend Shelly. Who somehow lost it in between classes which I went like a banshee looking for the damm book forever. My mother gave me a copy of each for my birthday and I have kepted them safe and sound ever since. The book is about werewolfs and shapeshifters which is the same disease but the good points are that you become immortal of all harm and disease unless you get your head chopped off which is your brain. Your body heals at the amazing speed of light so if you get your head chopped off if it is still on your head or within walking distance to reattach it then you can count your lucky stars as a near miss. My favorite character in the book is Tristian who is a level 4 I believe if you read the book you will understand more of what I am talking about. I will look it up after I am through with this entry to see if I am right. But the book has a Bonnie and Clyde type of serial killers out for no good who ultimately get done in by a crazed shapeshifter named Damien in Shapes. You will find out all this and wonder where the 3rd book also like myself and hopefully motivate the author to write the next book pronto like myself.
Excuse me if my thoughts are jumping from one subject to another because of the medicine I am currently on I can't think straight unless I concentrate really hard... Well good night all LOVE YOU Cassandra
Road trip to my favorite place Barstow....
My dearest and sweetest person on the planet is currently making her way towards my current destination or living space. I called Cliff on Carla's cell phone since her cell phone will not charge in her car then he was stuck rattling along with me on the phone while I happily asked there ETA time in Fresno. I am happy to say they will be here sometime on Monday since they are at Barstow tonight which is there destination and there pit stop since there daughter ALLOIRA my namesake is driving them absolutely nuts being stuck in the car 24/7. Once she gets out of there car she bolts like a mad cow running toward the different play pens they have a different fast food restaurants. They are going back to the first place I actually met Cliff on Thanksgiving when everything was pretty weird meeting someone you only talked to on the phone late at night or written letters to just to annoy the Vanasty. I will elaborate on that disgusting female later but just believe me you want to stay away from that girl at all costs. You will be happy just to walk away with a STD instead of her latched around your ankles for all time.
Life has been living in and out of Nyquil consciousness which persists of me drooling on her pillow that has a towel on it (my invention so that I can perserve my pillow in its pristine condition) waking up with my nose chalked full of dried buggers. :::turned you on yet:::: (I THINK NOT) :::smiles:::: Which has me running to the bathroom blowing my nose half a dozen times to get them out. Gross. Plus brushing my teeth so that the medicine/bugger taste will get out of my mouth. (DRAGON BREATHE FROM HELL) Consuming water everytime I wake up because my mouth is like the Sahara desert with no rain fall for 10 years. I can feel the cracked and dried mucus on my tongue which grosses me out even more. I am obsessed with brushing my teeth till they resemble or taste like there once winter fresh taste. Gum has been popping into my mouth till the taste has gone all out to hopefully combat the nasty taste in my mouth. I am beating this to death I know but I want to convey how miserable it is to be sick but even worse to have that germy/medicine/mucus running around in your mouth for awhile. :::shakes head:::: NOT fun at all to say the least. Not to mention my nose resembles rudolph the rednosed reindeer because its all chapped, red, and raw from all the blowing of my nose. It's like a leaky faucet that won't shut off no matter what kind of drugs I pump into it to cure it... I hate my weak immune system because it has failed me but I can understand since I being the very last person at my work to actually get sick has to say something. ::::puffs off chest:::: Maybe my body couldn't fight off sickness like superman flings off bullets off his chest but at least I get the honor of being the last nurse standing.
My favorite book which I covet like the last 10 commandments is Steve Vance The Hyde effect and Shapes. I like you to go out and try to find it if you can because I had a copy in Utah which I loaned to my friend Shelly. Who somehow lost it in between classes which I went like a banshee looking for the damm book forever. My mother gave me a copy of each for my birthday and I have kepted them safe and sound ever since. The book is about werewolfs and shapeshifters which is the same disease but the good points are that you become immortal of all harm and disease unless you get your head chopped off which is your brain. Your body heals at the amazing speed of light so if you get your head chopped off if it is still on your head or within walking distance to reattach it then you can count your lucky stars as a near miss. My favorite character in the book is Tristian who is a level 4 I believe if you read the book you will understand more of what I am talking about. I will look it up after I am through with this entry to see if I am right. But the book has a Bonnie and Clyde type of serial killers out for no good who ultimately get done in by a crazed shapeshifter named Damien in Shapes. You will find out all this and wonder where the 3rd book also like myself and hopefully motivate the author to write the next book pronto like myself.
Excuse me if my thoughts are jumping from one subject to another because of the medicine I am currently on I can't think straight unless I concentrate really hard... Well good night all LOVE YOU Cassandra
Saturday, September 20, 2003
In a river of drool and snot the pillow is King.... followed by a queen with a runny nose...
Alloiratheviking@aol.com Email me if you want to leave comments that are not posted to the public...
In a river of drool and snot the pillow is King.... followed by a queen with a runny nose...
Granted that I am supposed to be sick some times out of the year but when everyone of your residents are sick which is a 99 to you ratio. I really think the odds of me getting sick are pretty good don't you. They all have the GastroIntestinal Flu which I have fought off successfully for three days till this last day where I worked a double and wham blam thank you mame. It all begins with some simple sneezing before all hell breaks loose and my nose is running like a leaky faucet without a turn off switch. Disgusting let me tell you plus I am a royal bitch when I am sick I can admit this freely without any shame. My mood is pretty good compared to what it really could be because I am actually making an effort to be nice. My throat feels like I got the bowels of hell resting on my windpipe blowing hot boiling air. The mere act of breathing raises the tempature of my throat another thousand degrees which makes it feel like a fucking sauna. Can I get some relief here? I have sprayed my throat several times with some spray which is supposed to relief my itchiness and pain but hell its like every 60 seconds I have to do it again? There is a hell and I am in Fresno suffering the mere act of breathing whilst the sick people multiply like fucking rabbits. Try working a double shift where you have to bend over your resident while you are dripping snot down your uniform and sneezing every few seconds... Ye gods there is a paradise called sleep where I drown in my own river of drool and snot on my pillow... YES THAT IS PRETTY FUCKING DISGUSTING So its just pretty much sick time right now and that is all there is to it. Well I am off to drool on my pillow again and wake up with a river of drool underneath my cheek. Some one find me a drool pillow quick fast and in a hurry.
Would kiss you all but that would get you sick. Computer viruses are not good.. ::::grins::::
In a river of drool and snot the pillow is King.... followed by a queen with a runny nose...
Granted that I am supposed to be sick some times out of the year but when everyone of your residents are sick which is a 99 to you ratio. I really think the odds of me getting sick are pretty good don't you. They all have the GastroIntestinal Flu which I have fought off successfully for three days till this last day where I worked a double and wham blam thank you mame. It all begins with some simple sneezing before all hell breaks loose and my nose is running like a leaky faucet without a turn off switch. Disgusting let me tell you plus I am a royal bitch when I am sick I can admit this freely without any shame. My mood is pretty good compared to what it really could be because I am actually making an effort to be nice. My throat feels like I got the bowels of hell resting on my windpipe blowing hot boiling air. The mere act of breathing raises the tempature of my throat another thousand degrees which makes it feel like a fucking sauna. Can I get some relief here? I have sprayed my throat several times with some spray which is supposed to relief my itchiness and pain but hell its like every 60 seconds I have to do it again? There is a hell and I am in Fresno suffering the mere act of breathing whilst the sick people multiply like fucking rabbits. Try working a double shift where you have to bend over your resident while you are dripping snot down your uniform and sneezing every few seconds... Ye gods there is a paradise called sleep where I drown in my own river of drool and snot on my pillow... YES THAT IS PRETTY FUCKING DISGUSTING So its just pretty much sick time right now and that is all there is to it. Well I am off to drool on my pillow again and wake up with a river of drool underneath my cheek. Some one find me a drool pillow quick fast and in a hurry.
Would kiss you all but that would get you sick. Computer viruses are not good.. ::::grins::::
Friday, September 19, 2003
MY life while praying for a miracle....
Alloiratheviking@aol.com Email me if you want to leave comments that are not posted to the public...
MY life while praying for a miracle....
Okay, Have you ever asked for a miracle and not really expecting one but your faith is so high that you actually got it. My charge nurse screwed up and it fell on my shoulders but luckily I didn't lose my license because I had witnesses that can back my story up which saved me from possibly jail time and fines. Holy hell its hard enough to have to do your job now I must check over and see if they do there job?!! Hmmmm strange things are a brewing here.
I got my Mary Kay the other day that has Journey and Angelfire perfume which I am grateful for since I can pay them on my next check. Thanks Belia :). I seriously recommend anyone who wants a light and airy scent to go buy them because they truly are sexy smelling perfume.
I got so downhearted the other day with a series of bad stuff happening in my life one which is already posted and just trying to kill myself again with overtime at work. My job aggravates me to no end. Hoping and praying that I get my transfer at the hospital so that things can go a little easier for me and biking will not be such an issue since I live so close.
My lifesaver Miss Faye reminded me that when things go bad all you need to do is pray which I did for some patience and understanding?!! And you know what it helped I feel a weight lifted off my shoulder's and I am completely uplifted.!!! Not that my life is any simpler of course but my general disposition is better and I feel like its not exactly on my shoulder's because I know that GOD has my back. I have been reading my bible regularly which helps keep me out of those thoughts I shouldn't be having?!!! Well thats about it for tonight.
I think I really need more sleep and I am going to take some of my pain pills so that I can rest easier and pass right out. Muscle relaxers are good!!!!
Muah Goodnight?!!!
MY life while praying for a miracle....
Okay, Have you ever asked for a miracle and not really expecting one but your faith is so high that you actually got it. My charge nurse screwed up and it fell on my shoulders but luckily I didn't lose my license because I had witnesses that can back my story up which saved me from possibly jail time and fines. Holy hell its hard enough to have to do your job now I must check over and see if they do there job?!! Hmmmm strange things are a brewing here.
I got my Mary Kay the other day that has Journey and Angelfire perfume which I am grateful for since I can pay them on my next check. Thanks Belia :). I seriously recommend anyone who wants a light and airy scent to go buy them because they truly are sexy smelling perfume.
I got so downhearted the other day with a series of bad stuff happening in my life one which is already posted and just trying to kill myself again with overtime at work. My job aggravates me to no end. Hoping and praying that I get my transfer at the hospital so that things can go a little easier for me and biking will not be such an issue since I live so close.
My lifesaver Miss Faye reminded me that when things go bad all you need to do is pray which I did for some patience and understanding?!! And you know what it helped I feel a weight lifted off my shoulder's and I am completely uplifted.!!! Not that my life is any simpler of course but my general disposition is better and I feel like its not exactly on my shoulder's because I know that GOD has my back. I have been reading my bible regularly which helps keep me out of those thoughts I shouldn't be having?!!! Well thats about it for tonight.
I think I really need more sleep and I am going to take some of my pain pills so that I can rest easier and pass right out. Muscle relaxers are good!!!!
Muah Goodnight?!!!
Monday, September 15, 2003
The rest of my B-Day
The day was spent going to Ross's and getting a nice Jean Jacket with like a fur print (fake of course) since I am a freak for anything printed. Was going to buy a birthday cake for myself but ran out of money?!!! Went back to my mothers house which I was there for another hour trying to put in her contact lenses. Did I mention that putting in contact lenses suck rocks? Specially when you are putting them in another person's eyes who keeps popping out the contact lenses right off her eyeball? I could have killed her but that wouldn't be advised at all!! Well she put in her vampire teeth to go with the blood red eye contact lenses to scare off potential freaks other than herself. I wonder what her boyfriend David thought of the whole affair?! He is is pretty weird but makes my mother happy so what does it matter?!!! Not bad looking but he needs to gain some serious weight?!!! So what else can I say except that it he looks like a cross between a medieval knight and a dark vampire go mom...
Went to the doctors office to get my work release so that I can go back to work and pay for my apartment or I will become homeless. (Thanks to the asshole who hit me on my bike while I was coming home for work) Your a real prick you asshole who couldn't even buy me a new bike so I can get to work pecker. (Do I sound a little mad??? YOU THINK) But that is what the lawyer is for and hopefully I can get payed from that soon so that I can go on my merry way and hopefully not get hit buy any more trucks who do not pay attention to pedestrians on a bike. There was basically 70 different family's who happens to be needing medical attention at the time for Dr. Grace Lim's office so I opted to tommorow Butt crack early in the morning. There is a hell and its called early risers. (sun most evil to us pale females) :::hisses::: To think that I have protected my skin to only get a sunburn on my hand? Go figure?!!!
Scanned some new pictures for my briefcase for my yahoo. Hope that you like lots of pictures of my daughter. Next I will scavenge for my sons little folder so that you can see how cute he is?!!! Some with him and his father!!! I have my best friend Carla who will be here in like less than a week so I am so happy?!!! There are pics of us in there when we went to meet her future husband Cliff?!!! Donald who shall remain nameless got us into trouble on more than one occassion. Dear God I am glad that stage is over in my life because we were forever trying to keep him off drugs when he really didn't want to?!!! What are friends for? Hmmmmm let say he needed more friends like us instead of the ones he was hanging out with.
I spent the rest of the evening listening to my two kids screaming at the top of there lungs as they were fighting with each other?!!! I could have just died right then and there but God is not that merciful?!!! So now they are in bed and I am eternally grateful for peace and quiet. Going to go to work hopefully tomorrow or the next day so that I can squeeze the rent out somehow. I hope suing this guy will get the money I need for a car?!!! HMMM if not its always waiting for tax returns that will get me what I want?!!! Hell I really don't care as long as I have a car that gets to point a to point b? Sounds simple but life is never really that simple at all?!!! Well that is about it because I am tired and its 1:00 in the morning?!!! I am officially 27 and I think I going to definetely go to some exotic place next year?!!! Not sure but Utah was fun thanks Sand, Jey, Sims, and my old pals?!!!! It was memorable to say the least?!!! Would not change it for the world?!!! Will have to make another trip when I get a car so that I can visit some more people without having to rely on others for transportation?!! Well good night all muah...
Went to the doctors office to get my work release so that I can go back to work and pay for my apartment or I will become homeless. (Thanks to the asshole who hit me on my bike while I was coming home for work) Your a real prick you asshole who couldn't even buy me a new bike so I can get to work pecker. (Do I sound a little mad??? YOU THINK) But that is what the lawyer is for and hopefully I can get payed from that soon so that I can go on my merry way and hopefully not get hit buy any more trucks who do not pay attention to pedestrians on a bike. There was basically 70 different family's who happens to be needing medical attention at the time for Dr. Grace Lim's office so I opted to tommorow Butt crack early in the morning. There is a hell and its called early risers. (sun most evil to us pale females) :::hisses::: To think that I have protected my skin to only get a sunburn on my hand? Go figure?!!!
Scanned some new pictures for my briefcase for my yahoo. Hope that you like lots of pictures of my daughter. Next I will scavenge for my sons little folder so that you can see how cute he is?!!! Some with him and his father!!! I have my best friend Carla who will be here in like less than a week so I am so happy?!!! There are pics of us in there when we went to meet her future husband Cliff?!!! Donald who shall remain nameless got us into trouble on more than one occassion. Dear God I am glad that stage is over in my life because we were forever trying to keep him off drugs when he really didn't want to?!!! What are friends for? Hmmmmm let say he needed more friends like us instead of the ones he was hanging out with.
I spent the rest of the evening listening to my two kids screaming at the top of there lungs as they were fighting with each other?!!! I could have just died right then and there but God is not that merciful?!!! So now they are in bed and I am eternally grateful for peace and quiet. Going to go to work hopefully tomorrow or the next day so that I can squeeze the rent out somehow. I hope suing this guy will get the money I need for a car?!!! HMMM if not its always waiting for tax returns that will get me what I want?!!! Hell I really don't care as long as I have a car that gets to point a to point b? Sounds simple but life is never really that simple at all?!!! Well that is about it because I am tired and its 1:00 in the morning?!!! I am officially 27 and I think I going to definetely go to some exotic place next year?!!! Not sure but Utah was fun thanks Sand, Jey, Sims, and my old pals?!!!! It was memorable to say the least?!!! Would not change it for the world?!!! Will have to make another trip when I get a car so that I can visit some more people without having to rely on others for transportation?!! Well good night all muah...
THE BIRTHDAY GIRL
Since I am an attention whore please leave me any feedback that would benefit me directly at Alloiratheviking@aol.com Any feedback would be appreciative and grateful so please feel free to send whatever tickles your fancy...
Okay yeah for me I am a two digit number in the 20's.... :::::sighs:::::: I am 27 years old today and what do I have to show for it??? Burning question you might have asked yourself a million times? I do not have wrinkles yet but I will probally enjoy a matronly like existence given the proper motivation and scenery!!! I have two beautiful kids that are evil and a blessing at the same time. Specially if they know they have just been the most god awful rotten kids and then they turn on that thousand watt smile to hopefull evaporate your anger in 0-10 seconds? How can you beat me when I am so damm cute smile that just makes you want to have a tooth ache? I went to bed early last night around 11:00 which for me is a big feat because I am a night owl by nature. Woke up about 12 hours later by the sound of my mother hitting on my screen door who only stopped by to ask for the disk for the scanner?!!! Thanks mom for remembering my B-Day I hoped that those long hours of pain didn't permenetly wipe the memory of your first born away? Not that I am bitter or anything it would be nice if your parental units actually remember your birthday as a joyous event instead of some sordid affair that is so hush hush even the CIA doesn't know about it!! I think I am going to soak my self into a stupor in my shower (which if you do not know is usually a hour long) where I can soak the laziness out of me bones. I have to go back to the doctors and get my work release so that I cam be one of the productive americans out there again and pay my unusually high taxes like the rest of the JOES and JANES out there. Dressing up would be a plus since it is my B-Day can't go out in the world without my protective George Shirt? (dress shirt) with some nice slacks because I will be wearing my black dress boots for the occasion. I just have something in a love affair with boots in general. GO GO boots are awesome in the fact that they highlight those legs even if you are a mere 5'3 wisp of a women because your legs look like they go on forever... Not that I am too fashion thoughtful person here I wear what I want when I want. I like the suits because it makes you feel powerful. Energized and ready to take on the world besides how many people are going to tell you know in a black suit with a lace cammie underneath?? Hmmmm I think not?!!! Follow that with some nice heels or dress shoes and you are head snapping wonderful?!!!
DID I MENTION THAT I REALLY LIKE KILTS?
http://www.shopscotland.net/ShopFront/Category.asp?CatID=10&Page=1
You ever want to snap this poor girls neck off at the spine then wear one of those babies out in public and I will about beat the death out of some poor smuck who is in my viewing range?!!! My SCA brother M.J. always wore then along with a body molding black :::shakes head:::: would skillfully ignore your requests for seeing what he has under the old kilt. But I must admit that wondering was probally more fascinating then just outright knowing because you would always feast your eyes on his olive complexion and drool. Am I the only one who has a liking for long Raven black hair and beautiful muscular legs? (remember folks he is not related in anyway so I may drool to my hearts content) If every man out there wore I kilt I would be in heaven or maybe I should just move to Scotland where the kilts are a dime a dozen. ::::raises eyebrow::: Men in kilts in lovely complex colors alll around you for your eye candy pleasure. Okay I think I just went into a lovely little I am awake fantasy and needs to quit it already.
Well I am out of here to soap my body to some nice smelling vanilla or raspberry while having my orgasmic moment with Herbal Essence. You know I haven't gotten an orgasmic experience yet no matter how hard I try? Maybe I am washing the wrong part of my body???? hmmm will ponder this at a later time?
:::sings to herself:::: The wicked witch is dead I am rich I am rich The wicked witch is dead :::song is over:::: I make lyrics up for comercials or favorite classical songs. My personal favorite is Beethovan which I have some neat lyrics I will have to post some time if I can figure out how to put song and lyrics together with the music but I am sure I will come up with something?!!!
Person of the Day
The Cripted Keeper: Anybody as teenagers ever found this guy funny on HBO? I loved his skeletal body with hardly any skin layering off his macabre mastered mind? Just a thought? Since I love horror movies the more the they put out the more I am entertained. Besides its a preeeeeemmmmmoooo opportunity to snuggle with someone and have then jump at the scary places to get a sneak peak at there body structure??? HE HE HE (I am a evil genius) If only in my own mind of course because I doubt if I will be making any kind of contribution to society with my brain always on some sort of erotica? Okay misty shower for me then nods off at the computer....zzzz....zzz.........zz.....z............power off
Okay yeah for me I am a two digit number in the 20's.... :::::sighs:::::: I am 27 years old today and what do I have to show for it??? Burning question you might have asked yourself a million times? I do not have wrinkles yet but I will probally enjoy a matronly like existence given the proper motivation and scenery!!! I have two beautiful kids that are evil and a blessing at the same time. Specially if they know they have just been the most god awful rotten kids and then they turn on that thousand watt smile to hopefull evaporate your anger in 0-10 seconds? How can you beat me when I am so damm cute smile that just makes you want to have a tooth ache? I went to bed early last night around 11:00 which for me is a big feat because I am a night owl by nature. Woke up about 12 hours later by the sound of my mother hitting on my screen door who only stopped by to ask for the disk for the scanner?!!! Thanks mom for remembering my B-Day I hoped that those long hours of pain didn't permenetly wipe the memory of your first born away? Not that I am bitter or anything it would be nice if your parental units actually remember your birthday as a joyous event instead of some sordid affair that is so hush hush even the CIA doesn't know about it!! I think I am going to soak my self into a stupor in my shower (which if you do not know is usually a hour long) where I can soak the laziness out of me bones. I have to go back to the doctors and get my work release so that I cam be one of the productive americans out there again and pay my unusually high taxes like the rest of the JOES and JANES out there. Dressing up would be a plus since it is my B-Day can't go out in the world without my protective George Shirt? (dress shirt) with some nice slacks because I will be wearing my black dress boots for the occasion. I just have something in a love affair with boots in general. GO GO boots are awesome in the fact that they highlight those legs even if you are a mere 5'3 wisp of a women because your legs look like they go on forever... Not that I am too fashion thoughtful person here I wear what I want when I want. I like the suits because it makes you feel powerful. Energized and ready to take on the world besides how many people are going to tell you know in a black suit with a lace cammie underneath?? Hmmmm I think not?!!! Follow that with some nice heels or dress shoes and you are head snapping wonderful?!!!
DID I MENTION THAT I REALLY LIKE KILTS?
http://www.shopscotland.net/ShopFront/Category.asp?CatID=10&Page=1
You ever want to snap this poor girls neck off at the spine then wear one of those babies out in public and I will about beat the death out of some poor smuck who is in my viewing range?!!! My SCA brother M.J. always wore then along with a body molding black :::shakes head:::: would skillfully ignore your requests for seeing what he has under the old kilt. But I must admit that wondering was probally more fascinating then just outright knowing because you would always feast your eyes on his olive complexion and drool. Am I the only one who has a liking for long Raven black hair and beautiful muscular legs? (remember folks he is not related in anyway so I may drool to my hearts content) If every man out there wore I kilt I would be in heaven or maybe I should just move to Scotland where the kilts are a dime a dozen. ::::raises eyebrow::: Men in kilts in lovely complex colors alll around you for your eye candy pleasure. Okay I think I just went into a lovely little I am awake fantasy and needs to quit it already.
Well I am out of here to soap my body to some nice smelling vanilla or raspberry while having my orgasmic moment with Herbal Essence. You know I haven't gotten an orgasmic experience yet no matter how hard I try? Maybe I am washing the wrong part of my body???? hmmm will ponder this at a later time?
:::sings to herself:::: The wicked witch is dead I am rich I am rich The wicked witch is dead :::song is over:::: I make lyrics up for comercials or favorite classical songs. My personal favorite is Beethovan which I have some neat lyrics I will have to post some time if I can figure out how to put song and lyrics together with the music but I am sure I will come up with something?!!!
Person of the Day
The Cripted Keeper: Anybody as teenagers ever found this guy funny on HBO? I loved his skeletal body with hardly any skin layering off his macabre mastered mind? Just a thought? Since I love horror movies the more the they put out the more I am entertained. Besides its a preeeeeemmmmmoooo opportunity to snuggle with someone and have then jump at the scary places to get a sneak peak at there body structure??? HE HE HE (I am a evil genius) If only in my own mind of course because I doubt if I will be making any kind of contribution to society with my brain always on some sort of erotica? Okay misty shower for me then nods off at the computer....zzzz....zzz.........zz.....z............power off
Sunday, September 14, 2003
There is a hell and HMTL is satan....
Okay after a long and painful trip to revamp my Journal here is the final result. I hope that it was worth all the effort and bloodshed Jey had to endure last night. I know that HMTL is pretty much a difficult and lingering subject which I am thankful for that I can do at least put my own links in. After about 20 minutes of trying to beat in my pain killer warped brain. Finally got what it was that I was looking for and wanted done to my blog. Dear god it took forever till about 3:30 in the morning. Holy hell it was long. But without further arm pulling we have new stuff for you to do such as leave comments, look at cartoons, leave a message on guest map, some pictures for you to look at, and finally sign my guestbook. Well I hope you like it enjoy
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Pleasure euphoric delights....
Since I am an attention whore please leave me any feedback that would benefit me directly at Alloiratheviking@aol.com Any feedback would be appreciative and grateful so please feel free to send whatever tickles your fancy...
Pleasure euphoric delight....
He wraps my body in delight
I am helpless to resist
Carnal knowledge he persues
Sending me in a pleasure euphoric delight
Barbaric hands touch me
Sensual kisses move me
Lingering all over my body with your mouth
Your touch excites me
Bringing me closer to desire
A passion so fierce
I burn within so hot
You challenge me with every touch
Bringing me closer to heaven than I have ever been
Desire written clearly on my face
Bring me closer to your body
I want to explore your treasure
Languishing my hands upon that flesh
As I bite softly and tenderly into your neck
Relishing in the fact that this only increases your passions
I want to hear you moan
Call out my name in desire
Watching your body quiver
Seeking a heavenly climax
Traveling the length of your body
Kisses linger on your sensitive zones
Fingers delight in causing eruptions
Finding all the places that make you moan
In between the deep sighing moans and tender touches
That steadily become more primal
Bodies become steadily drenched in sweat
As our need overtakes our body
You enter my body in one swift motion
I can feel you stretching me
Furthering my passion for you
I wrap my legs around your body
Encouraging to thrust so more
Harder I moan in your ear
Needing the hard flesh pounded in my body
Wanting the feel of my body skillfully tortured by yours
Needing the deep erotic penetration of your sex
Making me moan driving me in a frenzy
As my body begans it final peak
Climaxing in a series of eruptions
Body clinching in muscle spasm desire
As you bring to the pleasures of euphoric delight...
Pleasure euphoric delight....
He wraps my body in delight
I am helpless to resist
Carnal knowledge he persues
Sending me in a pleasure euphoric delight
Barbaric hands touch me
Sensual kisses move me
Lingering all over my body with your mouth
Your touch excites me
Bringing me closer to desire
A passion so fierce
I burn within so hot
You challenge me with every touch
Bringing me closer to heaven than I have ever been
Desire written clearly on my face
Bring me closer to your body
I want to explore your treasure
Languishing my hands upon that flesh
As I bite softly and tenderly into your neck
Relishing in the fact that this only increases your passions
I want to hear you moan
Call out my name in desire
Watching your body quiver
Seeking a heavenly climax
Traveling the length of your body
Kisses linger on your sensitive zones
Fingers delight in causing eruptions
Finding all the places that make you moan
In between the deep sighing moans and tender touches
That steadily become more primal
Bodies become steadily drenched in sweat
As our need overtakes our body
You enter my body in one swift motion
I can feel you stretching me
Furthering my passion for you
I wrap my legs around your body
Encouraging to thrust so more
Harder I moan in your ear
Needing the hard flesh pounded in my body
Wanting the feel of my body skillfully tortured by yours
Needing the deep erotic penetration of your sex
Making me moan driving me in a frenzy
As my body begans it final peak
Climaxing in a series of eruptions
Body clinching in muscle spasm desire
As you bring to the pleasures of euphoric delight...
Something a little furry???
Somewhere over the rainbow way up high!!! I spy with my little eye something that starts with "N". Is there life out there or are we the only intelligent species out there?
I don't have a title for this one yet, I'm afraid. I will be discussing that later with my owner to find out what he thinks about it, as the story is being written for him and at his request. I hope you enjoy it. ;)
===
The sun was setting over the ridge. Here in the mountains it had become something of a tradition for the sun to sink lower and lower over the ridge until it finally disappeared from site, and although there were few others who lived in this lonely place, the inhabitants of the mountain often came out onto their back porches to watch the huge glowing orange ball sink lower and lower until it finally drifted out of sight. It was the lazy part of the day, when twilight seemed to seep through every pore of the earth and those who could turn to spend time with those they appreciated, admired, and even loved.
Night was a sacred, quiet time here, where the troubles of the day could be left behind and the people could move on. Even the females, weary from a day’s work in the home, could relax in the evenings at the feet of their men, gazing up at the stars for the inspiration that they inevitably brought. While it wasn’t the law of this land, it was a custom to relax in the evenings. When it was warm there was the porch, and when it was cool, the warming fire within.
There was no one nearby to see them. The house was remote in the woods, overlooking the ridge, and here it was private and quiet but for the birds sounding their last calls of the evening. The ursine figure reclined in his chair, hands above his head to support his neck, staring up at the sky with a thoughtful expression on his face. He seemed content, and that was all that mattered to the naked figure kneeling at his feet. The day had been a hard one, and the sunset and its twilight brought with it a time for peace. Peace never lasted long in this place, even in the seclusion of the mountains. Or perhaps it never lasted especially because of the seclusion of the mountains. Intense thought had proven nothing, and perhaps it never would.
It was silent, not because silence was natural, but because it was how he wanted it to be, and everything was to remain as he pleased. The female’s irritation could not be heard in the usual thumping of her tail against the hard wood of the porch, but if he had turned his head he would have seen the delicate, overlarge black ears pressed firmly to her skull in delicious anger. He liked her like that, although he wouldn’t have admitted to it. Tonight, however, nerves were on edge. Everything had gone wrong today, and neither wished to speak of it. After all, the girl was nothing but a possession, not fit for hearing the wears of his day, nor fit to listen to. She was meat and nothing more. He began to hum softly to himself.
He believed it to be a good policy. The Strangers were taken to the market and sold as they appeared. More and more of them seemed to be showing up these days, and most of them made hard workers. The women were especially valuable, and there appeared to be more of them. The mel also realized that many of the males were being set free, of course. They had other value than any that could be purchased at the market. He was happy with his purchase. She gave him frequent reason to punish her, and if he told the truth, he enjoyed having her stripped naked and chained to his chair. He enjoyed taking his whip to her back and buttocks and he enjoyed the way it made her squirm. Her happiness was of little concern to him. That was the way that it had always been. Women, for the most part, were possessions. If she displeased him sufficiently, he could take her back to the market and sell her for an even greater price than he had paid. But she pleased him, so he kept her.
The thump of her tail against the wood was audible, and it pulled him from his reverie. While she pleased him, she was one of the worst trained females, and especially one of the worst-trained slaves that he had ever encountered. He gave a low growl, his brown eyes focusing on her. She stared back with indignation shining in the bright blue-violet pits of her eyes. She returned his growl, her ears flattening further against her scalp, the hair at her back standing visibly on end. Her tail continued to thump. “Let me go,” she growled at him in a tone so low that it was barely comprehensible. “I’ll pay you. Just let me go.”
“Pay me?” he laughed. His chuckle was deep and hearty, and the sound made the birds stop their singing in the trees to look down on the predator in fright. They hadn’t lost their old instincts, and the cessation of the sound made him chuckle again, more loudly this time. “See?” he said to her, turning his intense gaze back on the bold female. “Even the birds stop to listen to me in respect. Why can’t you be the same? You are the most ill-mannered and badly behaved female I have seen in all the years that I have been alive on this earth. Tell me, is this what you were trained?”
The clatter of heavy chains broke through the silence as the female lifted her paws in anger and frustration, as though to lash out at him. He’d learned his lesson early on, and now she could not escape her chains. She would remain that way until she had learned to behave. He had sworn it, and would make it so. “I was never trained!” she spat at him angrily. “I’m not a slave! I’m a fucking princess! What the hell would you know anyway?” The words were venomous, and she turned her head away from him so that he wouldn’t see the beginnings of angry tears that were burning in her eyes. She didn’t want to let him know the effect that he had on her.
He laughed again. It was a casual sound, the sound of someone entirely confident. “Whatever a princess is, you sweet little brat, I’m sure that you’re it,” he said to her. “As for paying me to release you from your bondage, you would do well to remember that you own nothing. Not even that silly fool’s money that you had when you were delivered to me at the market auction. So how do you plan on buying your way out of bondage?”
Oh, there were rules about that, but as with many others, they had never been written into the laws here in the mountains. He could release her as his slave and allow her to live as his wife, his brood, if she pleased him enough. Though she pleased him, she would never make a fine wife. She made a poor enough slave! He chuckled again at this thought, bringing her head around again so that he could see the glistening of her tears in her eyes. He smiled at her, and reached down to cup her chin in his paw. He brought his face close so that they were nearly nose-to-nose, his breath hot on her muzzle so that she wrinkled her nose to hold back a sneeze. She closed her eyes, fighting his gaze. “You are nothing,” he told her in a voice as cold as steel. “You are nothing but my owned pet, and you will remain that way until the day that you die unless I decide to sell your disobedient meat at market. Do you understand me? You are nothing but what I make of you.” He emphasized the word ‘nothing’ strongly each time so that a little shiver went down her spine. Her ears began to droop slightly and her shoulders sagged.
She had been everything once! What was it with this stranger! Why couldn’t he understand? She’d been asleep one evening, and everything had been fine. Eighteen years old, fresh out of school and ready to go out and face the world. Then everything had turned upside down. She wasn’t even sure where she was except that she seemed to be in a place entirely foreign to where she had grown up, and that her body was different, covered in fur with a few other strange modifications. She felt unsatisfied and lonely. Her heart ached for her family to which she could never return as long as she wore his chains.
“What are you?” he asked her, his tone harsh and unyielding. “Tell me what you are. Then maybe I will release your paws from those chains that have you so tightly bound. Maybe I will release you from those chains from which you so desire your freedom!”
Her eyes flew open. Was he serious? The fur beneath her eyes was moist with her tears. “I’m a princess of the Akanama tribe! God please let me go! Let me go home!”
He chuckled again. “You must be from some place where intelligence is not as valued as it is here, my dear,” he tutted at her. “That was the wrong answer. Your bondage will not be lifted, but perhaps you would like to try again?”
She growled. The angry tears were still coursing down her cheeks in rivulets that wet the fur of her face and she tossed her head angrily. “I am not a slave,” she growled in a tone so low that it was barely perceptible. “I will never be a slave. I don’t belong to you and you don’t own me.” Again she put the same venom in her tone which made her appear to be seething. The hair along her spine stood on end as she glared at him, jerking her chin to try to escape from his grip on her. He held her fast.
“You are my slave, girl,” he whispered to her. His voice was also low, but it retained a degree of mockery. She hated him. Oh! How she hated him! She raised her paws again as though to strike out, but the chains clattered, bound to her feet. She could not reach up to him. She revealed her teeth, hissing at him as only a feline could.
He released his grip on her chin and leaned back in his chair, chuckling again to himself. The sun had already dipped below the ridge, and now it was dark. He gazed up for a moment at the stars which appeared clearly in the night sky, the contemplative expression returning to his face as he ignored her. She was, after all, nothing to him except a slave. Still, she was a slave he intended to keep. “I think we’ll take you to the market tomorrow and have you marked,” he said, his tone casual. “Mother has been telling me for years now that it’s time I started my own harem. I think I will. And I’ll start it with you.”
I don't have a title for this one yet, I'm afraid. I will be discussing that later with my owner to find out what he thinks about it, as the story is being written for him and at his request. I hope you enjoy it. ;)
===
The sun was setting over the ridge. Here in the mountains it had become something of a tradition for the sun to sink lower and lower over the ridge until it finally disappeared from site, and although there were few others who lived in this lonely place, the inhabitants of the mountain often came out onto their back porches to watch the huge glowing orange ball sink lower and lower until it finally drifted out of sight. It was the lazy part of the day, when twilight seemed to seep through every pore of the earth and those who could turn to spend time with those they appreciated, admired, and even loved.
Night was a sacred, quiet time here, where the troubles of the day could be left behind and the people could move on. Even the females, weary from a day’s work in the home, could relax in the evenings at the feet of their men, gazing up at the stars for the inspiration that they inevitably brought. While it wasn’t the law of this land, it was a custom to relax in the evenings. When it was warm there was the porch, and when it was cool, the warming fire within.
There was no one nearby to see them. The house was remote in the woods, overlooking the ridge, and here it was private and quiet but for the birds sounding their last calls of the evening. The ursine figure reclined in his chair, hands above his head to support his neck, staring up at the sky with a thoughtful expression on his face. He seemed content, and that was all that mattered to the naked figure kneeling at his feet. The day had been a hard one, and the sunset and its twilight brought with it a time for peace. Peace never lasted long in this place, even in the seclusion of the mountains. Or perhaps it never lasted especially because of the seclusion of the mountains. Intense thought had proven nothing, and perhaps it never would.
It was silent, not because silence was natural, but because it was how he wanted it to be, and everything was to remain as he pleased. The female’s irritation could not be heard in the usual thumping of her tail against the hard wood of the porch, but if he had turned his head he would have seen the delicate, overlarge black ears pressed firmly to her skull in delicious anger. He liked her like that, although he wouldn’t have admitted to it. Tonight, however, nerves were on edge. Everything had gone wrong today, and neither wished to speak of it. After all, the girl was nothing but a possession, not fit for hearing the wears of his day, nor fit to listen to. She was meat and nothing more. He began to hum softly to himself.
He believed it to be a good policy. The Strangers were taken to the market and sold as they appeared. More and more of them seemed to be showing up these days, and most of them made hard workers. The women were especially valuable, and there appeared to be more of them. The mel also realized that many of the males were being set free, of course. They had other value than any that could be purchased at the market. He was happy with his purchase. She gave him frequent reason to punish her, and if he told the truth, he enjoyed having her stripped naked and chained to his chair. He enjoyed taking his whip to her back and buttocks and he enjoyed the way it made her squirm. Her happiness was of little concern to him. That was the way that it had always been. Women, for the most part, were possessions. If she displeased him sufficiently, he could take her back to the market and sell her for an even greater price than he had paid. But she pleased him, so he kept her.
The thump of her tail against the wood was audible, and it pulled him from his reverie. While she pleased him, she was one of the worst trained females, and especially one of the worst-trained slaves that he had ever encountered. He gave a low growl, his brown eyes focusing on her. She stared back with indignation shining in the bright blue-violet pits of her eyes. She returned his growl, her ears flattening further against her scalp, the hair at her back standing visibly on end. Her tail continued to thump. “Let me go,” she growled at him in a tone so low that it was barely comprehensible. “I’ll pay you. Just let me go.”
“Pay me?” he laughed. His chuckle was deep and hearty, and the sound made the birds stop their singing in the trees to look down on the predator in fright. They hadn’t lost their old instincts, and the cessation of the sound made him chuckle again, more loudly this time. “See?” he said to her, turning his intense gaze back on the bold female. “Even the birds stop to listen to me in respect. Why can’t you be the same? You are the most ill-mannered and badly behaved female I have seen in all the years that I have been alive on this earth. Tell me, is this what you were trained?”
The clatter of heavy chains broke through the silence as the female lifted her paws in anger and frustration, as though to lash out at him. He’d learned his lesson early on, and now she could not escape her chains. She would remain that way until she had learned to behave. He had sworn it, and would make it so. “I was never trained!” she spat at him angrily. “I’m not a slave! I’m a fucking princess! What the hell would you know anyway?” The words were venomous, and she turned her head away from him so that he wouldn’t see the beginnings of angry tears that were burning in her eyes. She didn’t want to let him know the effect that he had on her.
He laughed again. It was a casual sound, the sound of someone entirely confident. “Whatever a princess is, you sweet little brat, I’m sure that you’re it,” he said to her. “As for paying me to release you from your bondage, you would do well to remember that you own nothing. Not even that silly fool’s money that you had when you were delivered to me at the market auction. So how do you plan on buying your way out of bondage?”
Oh, there were rules about that, but as with many others, they had never been written into the laws here in the mountains. He could release her as his slave and allow her to live as his wife, his brood, if she pleased him enough. Though she pleased him, she would never make a fine wife. She made a poor enough slave! He chuckled again at this thought, bringing her head around again so that he could see the glistening of her tears in her eyes. He smiled at her, and reached down to cup her chin in his paw. He brought his face close so that they were nearly nose-to-nose, his breath hot on her muzzle so that she wrinkled her nose to hold back a sneeze. She closed her eyes, fighting his gaze. “You are nothing,” he told her in a voice as cold as steel. “You are nothing but my owned pet, and you will remain that way until the day that you die unless I decide to sell your disobedient meat at market. Do you understand me? You are nothing but what I make of you.” He emphasized the word ‘nothing’ strongly each time so that a little shiver went down her spine. Her ears began to droop slightly and her shoulders sagged.
She had been everything once! What was it with this stranger! Why couldn’t he understand? She’d been asleep one evening, and everything had been fine. Eighteen years old, fresh out of school and ready to go out and face the world. Then everything had turned upside down. She wasn’t even sure where she was except that she seemed to be in a place entirely foreign to where she had grown up, and that her body was different, covered in fur with a few other strange modifications. She felt unsatisfied and lonely. Her heart ached for her family to which she could never return as long as she wore his chains.
“What are you?” he asked her, his tone harsh and unyielding. “Tell me what you are. Then maybe I will release your paws from those chains that have you so tightly bound. Maybe I will release you from those chains from which you so desire your freedom!”
Her eyes flew open. Was he serious? The fur beneath her eyes was moist with her tears. “I’m a princess of the Akanama tribe! God please let me go! Let me go home!”
He chuckled again. “You must be from some place where intelligence is not as valued as it is here, my dear,” he tutted at her. “That was the wrong answer. Your bondage will not be lifted, but perhaps you would like to try again?”
She growled. The angry tears were still coursing down her cheeks in rivulets that wet the fur of her face and she tossed her head angrily. “I am not a slave,” she growled in a tone so low that it was barely perceptible. “I will never be a slave. I don’t belong to you and you don’t own me.” Again she put the same venom in her tone which made her appear to be seething. The hair along her spine stood on end as she glared at him, jerking her chin to try to escape from his grip on her. He held her fast.
“You are my slave, girl,” he whispered to her. His voice was also low, but it retained a degree of mockery. She hated him. Oh! How she hated him! She raised her paws again as though to strike out, but the chains clattered, bound to her feet. She could not reach up to him. She revealed her teeth, hissing at him as only a feline could.
He released his grip on her chin and leaned back in his chair, chuckling again to himself. The sun had already dipped below the ridge, and now it was dark. He gazed up for a moment at the stars which appeared clearly in the night sky, the contemplative expression returning to his face as he ignored her. She was, after all, nothing to him except a slave. Still, she was a slave he intended to keep. “I think we’ll take you to the market tomorrow and have you marked,” he said, his tone casual. “Mother has been telling me for years now that it’s time I started my own harem. I think I will. And I’ll start it with you.”
Student of life! Any questions?
Okay what would happen if you asked someone to snog with you? I know that it is a fancy way of saying kiss?!! But come on already, it's like a disgusting snobbish version of a kiss because you only snog instead of kiss?!! Does anybody else out there get aggravated with that word also? Or is it just me?! Well that's pretty much it except for that I am probally going to play a hell of a lot more videogames! My b-day is in 2 days so probally will not be doing anything special since my broke ass is pennyless right now. Happens I guess. I seem to always get jinxed out of the nice gifts on my b-day. Not that I am expecting anything spectacular right now since all my friends are either out of state or out of mind... So whatever is clever man... Thats what I say. Well the big 27 is going to happen and I do not particularly feel older or wiser?!! Not a magical time for me anyways but ask me that when I am 30 which is in 3 more years? Then we will see if it is a magical time or not?
Well I am blogged out for today nothing special to say but hey. ITs a blog you can write whatever you want because you are the only one reading it...
Okay what would happen if you asked someone to snog with you? I know that it is a fancy way of saying kiss?!! But come on already, it's like a disgusting snobbish version of a kiss because you only snog instead of kiss?!! Does anybody else out there get aggravated with that word also? Or is it just me?! Well that's pretty much it except for that I am probally going to play a hell of a lot more videogames! My b-day is in 2 days so probally will not be doing anything special since my broke ass is pennyless right now. Happens I guess. I seem to always get jinxed out of the nice gifts on my b-day. Not that I am expecting anything spectacular right now since all my friends are either out of state or out of mind... So whatever is clever man... Thats what I say. Well the big 27 is going to happen and I do not particularly feel older or wiser?!! Not a magical time for me anyways but ask me that when I am 30 which is in 3 more years? Then we will see if it is a magical time or not?
Well I am blogged out for today nothing special to say but hey. ITs a blog you can write whatever you want because you are the only one reading it...
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Random thoughts and events of the day------------------------>
BUZZ BEANS
Something that I thought only happened in Utah which I am thankful and grateful they have carried the tradition or did it start from here originally and carried from there???.... Anyways, Starbucks makes this heavenly candy configuration called a buzz bean which is covered in chocolate (your choice of assorted flavors) that gives you a huge jolt of energy. Not since JOLT COLA that has promised you twice the caffeine of regular soda and to keep you up for weeks at a time does this stuff let you sleep for a wink. I was bouncing around in Wal-Mart looking at fish tanks for my daughter for her birthday. When my mother and I spied a Starbucks in close proximity of where we were. I promptly pointed out that there was green heaven over yonder that we should take our person's over there and suck greedily from the ambrosia of a Venti Mocha Malt.... There is a heaven on earth and that place is called STARBUCKS!!!!! After sucking down that which left me feeling a little high since I am already on pain killers and muscle relaxers (in case you didn't know already from my earlier bitch of pain and suffering) we got a pizza from the local pizza parlor. Which, if you are interested makes a mean pepperoni and black olive pizza that melts the taste buds right off your tongue. I am talking good good and super deee duper good stuff which coming from me says something.
Okay deep breathe...
Cassandra is in her groove. Not really doing anything but happily playing ps2 games for the duration of my crippled ass at home. That plus cleaning has taken up pretty much all my time. Sleeping does a good job of taking my time too but it doesn't matter what time of the night that I finally go to sleep. I still wake up around 7:00 or so and try as I may can't fall asleep till I start counting the holes in my eyelids and bore my self to sleep. I went to the lawyers office today to see if getting hit by a truck and the guy damaging my body yet again will actually render me some cash to replace lost wages and my bike that was totaled!!! Can't say that this bodes well for me and my family but hey something positive has to happen in this situation. The only positive thing that happened in the situation was me getting my vitals taken by some cute ambulance guys. Not that I was paying attention to him flirting with me?!! I was too brain addled to do much more than give him my arm and let him do the job that I normally do to my patients. Strange to be on the otherside of the ball game... I wonder if I would be a nice patient.... let me think about that...... probally not...
My patience would wear thin to the point where I was throwing stuff at them randomly as they give me lame excuses. Please dear lord never let me have the nurses that I work with cause I know that they would leave me all messed up for hours cause they are damm lazy...
I think tomorrow just because I can I will dress up in some knock out outfit of mine and go get some starbucks with my mother. Things are better in perspective when you are dolled up and nowhere to go... Maybe its the layers of makeup that are like a protective coating against the world creeping in on your domain called your body. I know that I can be very short with people who are new trying to talk with me. I avoid talking to people as much as possible except when it comes to ordering food. I am very polite and even beyond courteous because I know what they do to your food. I shudder to think what has happened when Brandon on many occasions has been rude and mean to the waitresses in restaurants...
Well on brighter note I did take my pants off for some female who wanted to take pictures of me. Since I know that has caught your attention Ari... I think I should elaborate as to what I mean by that... ::::GRINS:::: A very attractive Hispanic women by the name of Maria asked me to show me my bruises in the (Lawyers Office) conference room. I being not ashamed of my body one damm bit promptly took off my clothes down to my underwear and bra. Since I can't really show my bruising down in my private area because that is just plain embarrassing hell I already did it once while go over the process with her? She took my pictures in a very professional manor while I joked about getting lipo on my ass. :::laughing:::: She wants liposuction on her inner thighs which is a joke because she is even more petite than me by far. Hell I still got a 20lbs. To go before I have at least a good average weight for 5'3. Not that I will ever be the size I was but I like to do some nude shoots of myself before I get older and my body is ugly forever. I have a tat planned on my body of Sandman's artwork which I know would look awesome of a huge Sandman tattooed on my shoulder or in the middle of my back. Haven't really decided which one or where yet I want it on my body. But Sands, bless his dark little soul is going to be the first one to see it after of course myself and the tat artist.
Since again with my near miss of loss of life which of course is becoming a regular occurrence in my daily activities. I would like to thank whomever is my Guardian angel for not giving me any broken bones nor taking away my use of my hands since I can play some mean ps2 while I am home bound. And a big and huge THANK YOU TO GOD without him all things wouldn't be possible. My time with my kids has me appreciating the fact that I was happier at work and not annoyed by the sound of my 2 year old vocal range. Dear God my child has a range that will brake glass and shatter your eardrums. Bleeding out your nose, ears, and mouth to me doesn't sound like a good time at all. But my son will just to piss you off scream and scream and scream till he is blue in the face or he passes out whichever comes sooner. SO I will promptly shut him in the room so that he can scream at four walls or throw himself at the door. I have yelled, threatened, spanked, scolded, pleaded, cried, slammed my fists into my ears, and prayed for heavenly advice on what to do. Finally and gratefully he passes out falling into an angelic like sleep where all notion of killing him earlier is wishfully swepted from your mind replaced by extreme feelings of love and contentment... Sigh ::::gag::::: sigh My son who is a lot like me has given me hell back for all the torment and hell I have given my mother is rightfully finding its mark and hitting me full in the face....
Sometimes I wish I have ripped out my uterus and given it to science so that none of my cells is lurking out into the world causing havoc and chaos. Okay truthfully, if I had it all over to do I think I would have stayed a virgin forever because truthfully both of the people I slepted with sucked in bed. One because he was a virgin also and the other because lets face it folks size does matter.....
Lets end this in a light note about the Harry Potter book cult that's creeping its ugly head around which I unfortunately have been trapped in and currently serving to further exploit the innocent minds of youth by reading it myself. I must say that I have all the books in Hardback and paperback versions and I can't wait for the next one to be out so that I can read it within a couple of days. That's what sucks about being a fast and absorbent reader cause they do not write the books fast enough. Or they wait till they have made as much money as they can bleed out of the public which I can leaning towards the latter with this theory of mine. Holy hell I know that there is going to be some more Harry Potter movies which was the reason why I picked up the book in the first place because my daughter begged me to see it in the first place and I was not about to become evil mom and say no to my daughter. So without any further word put into your lingering eyeballs to read. I really liked the book and recommend anyone to buy it which for me being a major horror book fan loved it to pieces. I am just wondering who is going to be Harry Potter's love interest in the next book but my gut is silently hoping he will choose Ginny Weasley myself. Is anyone going to back me up on this one??? If so let me know???
Well I have written enough here to satisfy my need to make myself heard in the silent world of the internet so if you just happened to stop by and was curious thanks. If not and you are a continued reader of my blog thanks again. Hope to see you soon...
Muah
BUZZ BEANS
Something that I thought only happened in Utah which I am thankful and grateful they have carried the tradition or did it start from here originally and carried from there???.... Anyways, Starbucks makes this heavenly candy configuration called a buzz bean which is covered in chocolate (your choice of assorted flavors) that gives you a huge jolt of energy. Not since JOLT COLA that has promised you twice the caffeine of regular soda and to keep you up for weeks at a time does this stuff let you sleep for a wink. I was bouncing around in Wal-Mart looking at fish tanks for my daughter for her birthday. When my mother and I spied a Starbucks in close proximity of where we were. I promptly pointed out that there was green heaven over yonder that we should take our person's over there and suck greedily from the ambrosia of a Venti Mocha Malt.... There is a heaven on earth and that place is called STARBUCKS!!!!! After sucking down that which left me feeling a little high since I am already on pain killers and muscle relaxers (in case you didn't know already from my earlier bitch of pain and suffering) we got a pizza from the local pizza parlor. Which, if you are interested makes a mean pepperoni and black olive pizza that melts the taste buds right off your tongue. I am talking good good and super deee duper good stuff which coming from me says something.
Okay deep breathe...
Cassandra is in her groove. Not really doing anything but happily playing ps2 games for the duration of my crippled ass at home. That plus cleaning has taken up pretty much all my time. Sleeping does a good job of taking my time too but it doesn't matter what time of the night that I finally go to sleep. I still wake up around 7:00 or so and try as I may can't fall asleep till I start counting the holes in my eyelids and bore my self to sleep. I went to the lawyers office today to see if getting hit by a truck and the guy damaging my body yet again will actually render me some cash to replace lost wages and my bike that was totaled!!! Can't say that this bodes well for me and my family but hey something positive has to happen in this situation. The only positive thing that happened in the situation was me getting my vitals taken by some cute ambulance guys. Not that I was paying attention to him flirting with me?!! I was too brain addled to do much more than give him my arm and let him do the job that I normally do to my patients. Strange to be on the otherside of the ball game... I wonder if I would be a nice patient.... let me think about that...... probally not...
My patience would wear thin to the point where I was throwing stuff at them randomly as they give me lame excuses. Please dear lord never let me have the nurses that I work with cause I know that they would leave me all messed up for hours cause they are damm lazy...
I think tomorrow just because I can I will dress up in some knock out outfit of mine and go get some starbucks with my mother. Things are better in perspective when you are dolled up and nowhere to go... Maybe its the layers of makeup that are like a protective coating against the world creeping in on your domain called your body. I know that I can be very short with people who are new trying to talk with me. I avoid talking to people as much as possible except when it comes to ordering food. I am very polite and even beyond courteous because I know what they do to your food. I shudder to think what has happened when Brandon on many occasions has been rude and mean to the waitresses in restaurants...
Well on brighter note I did take my pants off for some female who wanted to take pictures of me. Since I know that has caught your attention Ari... I think I should elaborate as to what I mean by that... ::::GRINS:::: A very attractive Hispanic women by the name of Maria asked me to show me my bruises in the (Lawyers Office) conference room. I being not ashamed of my body one damm bit promptly took off my clothes down to my underwear and bra. Since I can't really show my bruising down in my private area because that is just plain embarrassing hell I already did it once while go over the process with her? She took my pictures in a very professional manor while I joked about getting lipo on my ass. :::laughing:::: She wants liposuction on her inner thighs which is a joke because she is even more petite than me by far. Hell I still got a 20lbs. To go before I have at least a good average weight for 5'3. Not that I will ever be the size I was but I like to do some nude shoots of myself before I get older and my body is ugly forever. I have a tat planned on my body of Sandman's artwork which I know would look awesome of a huge Sandman tattooed on my shoulder or in the middle of my back. Haven't really decided which one or where yet I want it on my body. But Sands, bless his dark little soul is going to be the first one to see it after of course myself and the tat artist.
Since again with my near miss of loss of life which of course is becoming a regular occurrence in my daily activities. I would like to thank whomever is my Guardian angel for not giving me any broken bones nor taking away my use of my hands since I can play some mean ps2 while I am home bound. And a big and huge THANK YOU TO GOD without him all things wouldn't be possible. My time with my kids has me appreciating the fact that I was happier at work and not annoyed by the sound of my 2 year old vocal range. Dear God my child has a range that will brake glass and shatter your eardrums. Bleeding out your nose, ears, and mouth to me doesn't sound like a good time at all. But my son will just to piss you off scream and scream and scream till he is blue in the face or he passes out whichever comes sooner. SO I will promptly shut him in the room so that he can scream at four walls or throw himself at the door. I have yelled, threatened, spanked, scolded, pleaded, cried, slammed my fists into my ears, and prayed for heavenly advice on what to do. Finally and gratefully he passes out falling into an angelic like sleep where all notion of killing him earlier is wishfully swepted from your mind replaced by extreme feelings of love and contentment... Sigh ::::gag::::: sigh My son who is a lot like me has given me hell back for all the torment and hell I have given my mother is rightfully finding its mark and hitting me full in the face....
Sometimes I wish I have ripped out my uterus and given it to science so that none of my cells is lurking out into the world causing havoc and chaos. Okay truthfully, if I had it all over to do I think I would have stayed a virgin forever because truthfully both of the people I slepted with sucked in bed. One because he was a virgin also and the other because lets face it folks size does matter.....
Lets end this in a light note about the Harry Potter book cult that's creeping its ugly head around which I unfortunately have been trapped in and currently serving to further exploit the innocent minds of youth by reading it myself. I must say that I have all the books in Hardback and paperback versions and I can't wait for the next one to be out so that I can read it within a couple of days. That's what sucks about being a fast and absorbent reader cause they do not write the books fast enough. Or they wait till they have made as much money as they can bleed out of the public which I can leaning towards the latter with this theory of mine. Holy hell I know that there is going to be some more Harry Potter movies which was the reason why I picked up the book in the first place because my daughter begged me to see it in the first place and I was not about to become evil mom and say no to my daughter. So without any further word put into your lingering eyeballs to read. I really liked the book and recommend anyone to buy it which for me being a major horror book fan loved it to pieces. I am just wondering who is going to be Harry Potter's love interest in the next book but my gut is silently hoping he will choose Ginny Weasley myself. Is anyone going to back me up on this one??? If so let me know???
Well I have written enough here to satisfy my need to make myself heard in the silent world of the internet so if you just happened to stop by and was curious thanks. If not and you are a continued reader of my blog thanks again. Hope to see you soon...
Muah
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Well a few days later and I am out of work. Can't lift my residents so then they will not give me light duty. SO I am so screwed its not funny. You know when you get kicked down and then get kicked while you are withering in pain and misery there has to be a breaking point!!! My nerves are worn thin since being home with the kids. Holy hell I forgot what it was like to be home more than 12 hours at a time. Why must things always be a struggle with me and my life. I get tired of struggling and not making much progress till I am blue in the face and reading to push up Daiseys. I am about ready to pull out all my hair and scream at the top of my lungs and hope that no one comes with straight jackets to take me away. Blubbering and doing crazy nonsensical stuff like talking to myself and hearing voices...
Just an angry moment right now which I know will pass if I wasn't so frustrated then I would feel a little better instead of being angry that some fuck head hit me with his truck and too my job away from me. My kids could potentially be homeless if this continues....
Just an angry moment right now which I know will pass if I wasn't so frustrated then I would feel a little better instead of being angry that some fuck head hit me with his truck and too my job away from me. My kids could potentially be homeless if this continues....
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Forget about anyting you have ever heard cause my luck sucks rocks. I got hit by a car today pretty minor only a cracked wrist and some major bruising. My fight with a vehicle defenitly I would say the truck won and I lost. Damm my first fight lost but getting hit going 35 mph on a mountain bike I am doing pretty good realitively speaking. I hit the ground and immediately got back up (with a few choice cuss words to further enlighten some peoples ears) walked to the sidewalk tried to shake the fuzzy feeling in my brains since they were addled.
Friday, September 05, 2003
Another hurting time in my life... I remember exactly why I hate fathers in general and why I do not trust most men in general. LIttle known factoids that I am not proud of is that my father has been in and out of prison all my life. Not having a father in your life is pretty difficult and sometimes embarrasing because other people in the classroom would often wonder why your dad never shows up on parent teacher night. My stepfater Nick who was supposed to help us abandoned us in utah which left us homeless living in a car for 7 to 8 months at a time in the bitter winter months. He spent my trust fund that was supposed to go to a home for us drinking and gambling it away. My father if you can call him that frequently went in and out of my life like a blur with pretty promises and quick sneaky ripping off of my stuff or my mothers property. My father which I am not proud to say has molested many members of my family and would have molested my person if I was not strong enough to fight off his advances. I see people around me in my life doing wrong and it just brings it all back painfully and harshly. I can rant and rave till I am blue in the face which will never do any good because the world keeps on turning and things continue to happen. I have always been afraid that the sins of my parents will be imprinted on my soul somehow that evil will be passed onto me through my blood. Hell I fight daily not to do wrong because I feel that I am stepping closer to what my father is. Not to say that I am a saint which in fact I am not even come close to being. I struggle daily on my addittude which hasn't improved with the persecution at work from an angry and bitter charge nurse. The anger isn't even directed at me its the politics from the company but she finds a likely subject that will not back down from no one and she just lets loose....
Everyone in my family tree has been molested which has become some bizarre family tradition that has gone way back through the generations to present day. Not a pretty thing to accept but that is a great and hurtful subject that my grandmother is trying to break the cycle by keeping an eagle eye on any grandchildren to hopeful prevent this ugly reoccrence.... WIll post later ran out of time
Everyone in my family tree has been molested which has become some bizarre family tradition that has gone way back through the generations to present day. Not a pretty thing to accept but that is a great and hurtful subject that my grandmother is trying to break the cycle by keeping an eagle eye on any grandchildren to hopeful prevent this ugly reoccrence.... WIll post later ran out of time
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Sometimes all you need is simple words from lovely friends to liven up your day. Course you all probally know that I am in an erotic poetry club. So not to beat around the bush (pardon the pun) ::::grins::::: have gotten several friends from there that write the most sensual and heartbreakenly romantic words on the planet. As in other words flowery phases to loosen the morals of any young women... Well here is a beautiful sample of what poetry should be...
The Word Beautiful
There are not enough letters in the word beautiful to complete a sexy you. Even those sweet sensual eyes of yours tell a story of what has went down in your past. Today is a new day and you're such a gorgeous gift so we'll call you the present. No words can explain just how much you thrill me by your smile alone. Womanly ways from your delicate touch even flows through me. The way we turn on each other is noted as, with a passion. You definately make the firm grow harder minute, by second, by precious minute. A true blessing in disguise is the way we compliment one another. Last night in my mind we shared a feeling of made love like never before. Our arena of silk sheets full of rose petals surrounded by candles accent the very sweetness of beautiful you. Let's lay togetherletting the true feelings of touch take over. I adore the way your heavenly touch adds a beat to my already satisfied heart. I want to feel that sweet feeling your womanly love gives, brings and awaits to release. Show and tell me with your angelic voice the way you love to feel. My business is your pleasure. Because there is not enough letters in the word beautiful to truly complete, a sexy you.
copyright 2003 By Sir Lancelott
Wonderful Journey
Our style of lovemaking is a wonderful journey, not a destination. As our passions remain real and true it's going to show. With such a gorgeous body let my actions express my gratitude while our minds dwell on wickedly sweet temptations. It's the sexiness of you that completely spends me. Soft kisses and licks between us draws foreplay into many, many directions. We take those actions sweet and sensuously in beautiful ways. Our cups runneth over with passions yet to unfold. With subtlty our lips touch. Our curious caressing hands outline one anothers body frame timelessly slow. Sweet anticipation makes your honeypot cream for relaxing ecstasy. Heat from our naked bodies begin to blend as our sensual kisses grow deeper and more intense. Your gentle words whispered to my ear with a peck from delicious lips and the silky softness of your voice swells me. The wisdom and will to survive your devine lovin' makes sweet anticipation control the hearts beat pound after abnormal pound. And as we procede on our wonderful journey, our style of lovemaking is not a destination. Just mindblowing bliss.
copyright 2003 BY Sir Lancelott
Need I say more about what is displayed in words that should be displayed between two different people...
The Word Beautiful
There are not enough letters in the word beautiful to complete a sexy you. Even those sweet sensual eyes of yours tell a story of what has went down in your past. Today is a new day and you're such a gorgeous gift so we'll call you the present. No words can explain just how much you thrill me by your smile alone. Womanly ways from your delicate touch even flows through me. The way we turn on each other is noted as, with a passion. You definately make the firm grow harder minute, by second, by precious minute. A true blessing in disguise is the way we compliment one another. Last night in my mind we shared a feeling of made love like never before. Our arena of silk sheets full of rose petals surrounded by candles accent the very sweetness of beautiful you. Let's lay togetherletting the true feelings of touch take over. I adore the way your heavenly touch adds a beat to my already satisfied heart. I want to feel that sweet feeling your womanly love gives, brings and awaits to release. Show and tell me with your angelic voice the way you love to feel. My business is your pleasure. Because there is not enough letters in the word beautiful to truly complete, a sexy you.
copyright 2003 By Sir Lancelott
Wonderful Journey
Our style of lovemaking is a wonderful journey, not a destination. As our passions remain real and true it's going to show. With such a gorgeous body let my actions express my gratitude while our minds dwell on wickedly sweet temptations. It's the sexiness of you that completely spends me. Soft kisses and licks between us draws foreplay into many, many directions. We take those actions sweet and sensuously in beautiful ways. Our cups runneth over with passions yet to unfold. With subtlty our lips touch. Our curious caressing hands outline one anothers body frame timelessly slow. Sweet anticipation makes your honeypot cream for relaxing ecstasy. Heat from our naked bodies begin to blend as our sensual kisses grow deeper and more intense. Your gentle words whispered to my ear with a peck from delicious lips and the silky softness of your voice swells me. The wisdom and will to survive your devine lovin' makes sweet anticipation control the hearts beat pound after abnormal pound. And as we procede on our wonderful journey, our style of lovemaking is not a destination. Just mindblowing bliss.
copyright 2003 BY Sir Lancelott
Need I say more about what is displayed in words that should be displayed between two different people...
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
As you can probally tell my time on her as been short and brief as possible so that I wouldn't miss any prescious time that my lady had left in this world. On retrospect, while I was honored to have been present at her death and being able to somehow lessen the pain of the others. I was struck dumb by the overwhelming emotions that I knew would hit but I guess I wasn't prepared for properly. I know that every nursing protocol says that you must have no emotional attachment to your residents. That you should always keep that certain boundaries that you should remain sperated from your work so that nothing impacts you. I haven't learned that or I am so stupid and stubborn in my ways( granted probally all the above) that I am not willing to give myself totally to my residents. I take huge amounts of pride in knowing that I do better than most at my work. Although I have begun seperating myself from the slackers so that I will not be associated with them in any way. I do not want them to say that I do not do my job properly which is my great pride. Call me vain I do not care but I want to give a hundred percent in that field. You take an oath when you become to nurse to do your best and to right what you see wrong in the first place. I honestly can't say that I have followed this to the letter with a one huge thing that I have let slip past me due to circumstances that would affect more than one person's life that I have let it go in anothers hands. In my short brief time with my resident talking with her she has been more than mean, curt and short in temper and my response was one with my sarcastic addittude that she respected right off because I didn't back down from her. I told her in no uncertain terms that I may be her nurse that I wasn't her slave and I would happily help her if she just show one little bit of gradittude in return. As thus, my relationship with her deepened to full fledge affection. I didn't mind her tyranical behavior because I knew it was one of fear and not of hatred towards me. My many conversations with her have left me feeling of profound closeness and sense of trust from her. I would tell her what is going on with my life and share the news with her about my children whch she understood why struggling parents and non working fathers suck rocks. My deepened anxiety about her approaching death would make me feel useless because I knew there was no way to prevent it and that she was pretty much scared towards the last few months. She finally came to accept it which is no real feat in itself because you can bounce back and forth through emotions when you are dying.
I do not think that I will die with alot of people by my side since I like to push them away so much. I find it hard to deal with people who will eventually disappoint me in the first place. Which in my case is a viscious circle and needs no repeating the same tyranical behavior that has been my life. Many disappointments from really close friends and I am not pointing fingers at any one thing its just a accepted fact that I may or may not ever find someone I can ever completely trust. Yes I love my friends dearly and in no way blame them for there behavior. I know how I am and what I am so I can't possibly change that because why bother. You either love me or you hate me there is hardly an inbetween. I know for a fact that people who say they love me lie because if you truly love a person you love them for all there flaws and you never once leave them... I would rather be alone then with people I know who will eventaully betray my trust and fall so low that my disgust of them would make me want to go away. I can't lie very well at all which is no unusual fact if you know me well at all. My mother says my eyes change color when I lie which I know for a fact is not the case hello my eyes are hazel they change color all the time. Depending on my mood or range of emotions I am dealing with they turn a watery green when I am upset which is pretty much all the time. On in extreme cases of happiness do they change to a brownish orange color that is almost copper in color. My depth in understanding the universe right now is pretty limited but it doesn't stop me from wishing on falling stars for just a little peace in my choatic life. I struggle with the rage I feel at the moment. I struggle not to get upset at Moe or Brandon for being inconsiderate shits. I struggle with my children who wonder why I am not home enough with them and I am watching someone else raise my child because I am always at work. They ask me questions constantly why I am never home and always at work. My first reaction is anger that I can't be with them. Pissed off at Moe for not sending any child support. Mad at Brandon for not being able to work due to his disability that he caused to himself which he is unable to help out financially. But he does help me with taking the kids to day care and picking them up from school which I am not able to do. Its a huge viscious circle and I can complain till I am blue in the face but nothing is going to change the fact that I am still only a one income mother struggling against time and endurance where even I have limits. My frustration level is at an all time high and I am having a problem with not just being plain shitty to everyone... Bangs head against wall... Now I feel better.. Yeah right
I do not think that I will die with alot of people by my side since I like to push them away so much. I find it hard to deal with people who will eventually disappoint me in the first place. Which in my case is a viscious circle and needs no repeating the same tyranical behavior that has been my life. Many disappointments from really close friends and I am not pointing fingers at any one thing its just a accepted fact that I may or may not ever find someone I can ever completely trust. Yes I love my friends dearly and in no way blame them for there behavior. I know how I am and what I am so I can't possibly change that because why bother. You either love me or you hate me there is hardly an inbetween. I know for a fact that people who say they love me lie because if you truly love a person you love them for all there flaws and you never once leave them... I would rather be alone then with people I know who will eventaully betray my trust and fall so low that my disgust of them would make me want to go away. I can't lie very well at all which is no unusual fact if you know me well at all. My mother says my eyes change color when I lie which I know for a fact is not the case hello my eyes are hazel they change color all the time. Depending on my mood or range of emotions I am dealing with they turn a watery green when I am upset which is pretty much all the time. On in extreme cases of happiness do they change to a brownish orange color that is almost copper in color. My depth in understanding the universe right now is pretty limited but it doesn't stop me from wishing on falling stars for just a little peace in my choatic life. I struggle with the rage I feel at the moment. I struggle not to get upset at Moe or Brandon for being inconsiderate shits. I struggle with my children who wonder why I am not home enough with them and I am watching someone else raise my child because I am always at work. They ask me questions constantly why I am never home and always at work. My first reaction is anger that I can't be with them. Pissed off at Moe for not sending any child support. Mad at Brandon for not being able to work due to his disability that he caused to himself which he is unable to help out financially. But he does help me with taking the kids to day care and picking them up from school which I am not able to do. Its a huge viscious circle and I can complain till I am blue in the face but nothing is going to change the fact that I am still only a one income mother struggling against time and endurance where even I have limits. My frustration level is at an all time high and I am having a problem with not just being plain shitty to everyone... Bangs head against wall... Now I feel better.. Yeah right
Well it finally happened my resident passed away while I was in the room with the family. She took her last breathe while her daughter was pleading for her to finally go home where she belongs with tearful devotion they each in turn showed her support and love. My face which I couldn't remain impassive in my grief seeing her pass away in front of my very eyes plus with the family shedding there tears so readily. My heart was with them as Bailey screaming her grief not readily excepting the death of her grandmother who has been her only family. My heart went out with her as she screamed, ranted, raved in her desperate need for releasing all the pain, grief, and anxiety of watching her grandmother fight for breathe. She died pretty fast with so much love surrounding her she went with one last gasp for breathe. I had to prepare the body with loving care and with silent tears as I have respected the women greatly. It was hard for me to except that she was gone because I sat by her bedside holding her hand while she was struggling for breathe and fighting to live while her daughter was working herself to exhaustion trying to cover the expense of funeral bill. Her daugher would come in and spend hours with her just so that she wouldn't miss any time with her mother. I saw the very last gesture her mother gave to her daughter which was a squeeze of the hand when she took her last breathe. Aaaaaaah love..... So as you can tell my day was spent in a rush of going into this room and that room, chasing my residents around, changing them, and lastly putting them to bed. I had to inventory her stuff for her family and with great care fold neatly her clothing. I just had to see her daughters point of view so that none of her stuff no matter how small was left there or put in the trash by mistake. I painstakenly put her posters into boxes so that nothing got ripped or torn while trying to remove them from the wall. I am really sad right now I knew this was coming but in no way was I prepared on the impact that she would cause in my life. I gave her a hundred percent of my time so that she could be as comfortable as possible but even that I think is never enough. So as you can tell I am in a down and out mood because as usual cassie has a hard time expressing her feelings. Even now I can see that I haven't properly expressed myself here. I am profoundly effected by her death and I know that I do not want to do no more long term care because I do not know how to emotionally seperate myself from them. I become too attached and my heart swells when they smile at me. I like to see them happy and I hug and kiss them so that they know someone cares for them. So my heart is down and I do not think I can stand it anymore working in that field. I have resolved to working in the hospital where the stay is brief and the human contact and the chance for heartbreak is lessened. I need to find a job where I do not get emotionally envolved. I hurt alot right now and I can't stop crying which makes it all seem worse. I feel like I just got hammered in the head for awhile and my body aches where there is no reason too. Just a really bad day.....
Monday, September 01, 2003
Nothing much to say but that I am alive and kicking which means I am sleeping my life away or I am at work. Grins what else is there to do. I can't wait to work at the hospital because that means easier work and more money for the effort I give at work is enough to kill an elephant. Well I have to go to it again you guessed it work. Yeah for me!! C
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