Friday the 13th

You may leave your complaints to the bitching department otherwise post a comment on my handy dandy upgrades to my blog. :::grins:::

Well crap my post didn't save and I have to start all over. Yeah im giving my computer an evil look... So now Im starting all over with whatever is going to be pouring into this blog right now. Sorry if its a ramble I had a good post earlier but the damm thing deleted itself. So first off I would like to thank my mother , Megan, Gavin, Anthony, and last but not least my brother Ken. For helping me get over a little bump in the road called James. Seriously folks within the first two years you should pretty much figured out that you dont want to be with a person. He decided after 4 1/2 years that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Pushing me to get pregnant for a year and when it happens he just magically cant deal with me anymore. Like I said child support is a bitch and hell no am I naming the child after you. I admit for like the first 6 hours I was like shell shocked, comatosed, crying, hysterical, wigged out, flabbergasted, angry, sad, and whatever else emotion that you can conjure forth. But then I remembered all the damm terrible sex I had to fake my way there so you wouldn't pout because you couldn't get me off. Hince the damm book sex for dummies you got at Christmas should of been a big fucking hint but some guys need to be hit with a brick at birth literally. Oh well new chapter. Thank you Megan for the calls when I really needed someone to talk to so I wouldn't go insane for the first couple of days. Thank you Gavin for sending me outrageous videos that made me laugh, called when I needed someone to talk to, Told me everything is going to be alright, and basically sent me crazy pictures to make me smile. Thank you guys love you both for that made me feel better. Thank you Anthony for giving me the hard lecture of never taking James back no matter how much he begs like I would ever do that. Im pretty much once you screw me over your done kind of deal Motau taught me that. At least him you can chalk it up to age and immaturity at 20. Not so much you still sucked as a person back then sorry but you do. Now you just grown as a person and im glad your happy with Ester.

Oh something awesome and wonderful happened. So you know I didn't have a car whatsoever and a perfect stranger Sarah's parents gave me there old car a 88 suburban to drive and its tagged into next year. I was wondering what the hell am I going to do I refuse to call James for a ride my grandmother is too bitchy, grouchy, and self centered to want to let me use her car to go to the store. It's literally like pulling teeth to get her to help nevermind that I brought you guys food for awhile filled up your freezer with groceries but helping me is completely out of the question. Okay that sound mean and bitter hmm maybe a little but its still fucked up yo.

So yeah when Im angry which has been a lot lately big new I don't want to be pregnant with the weight gain and the added responsibility of taking care of another child by myself. Its like you are disrespecting me by lying Im a big girl dammit I wear big girl underwear just be blunt and tell me the truth. Well im blunt I expect you to be blunt so fucking spill it out already hard to do well tough shit do it anyways.

My mom has been awesome going back to church she finally went back and is a little bit more mentally sound. I still worry for her she isnt right in the head all the way and I mean her memory is bad. She has been helping me deal with this and its so strange. My complaint is why the hell do you smoke weed with your son if you know the dumbass has a drug problem why? Pisses me off to know that you lie to my face and think its okay just to shut me up like thats not going to affect me that you lie to me. This is something you should never do to your child. That was the hardest lesson I grew up with knowing that your parents lie and that they will fail you because of human weakness. Dad because he cant seem to not want to rob the place he works for. My mother for not being able to be stronger and letting my brother live off us for free and be a dick in our house while doing nothing with his life. He is still doing the same shit except he is sober hmmm big surprise there. I have that habit when I want to shut all the negativity out of the world and for a second just have a black space for awhile.

Currently my neighbors think im antisocial and mean they are afraid to approach me. I have tried recently within the last weeks to be nice and friendly with them. Just my tolerance for bullshit and not wanting to deal with people is so very little. Id rather pet my Ninny then deal with them she is a sweet little pet love you. Tristan gets on my nerves with his perfect impression of the alarm clock at high pitch volume that goes on for 30 minutes to an hour even if you cover his face he still does it muffled. Why couldn't we of had a muted cockatiel?

If you guys didnt know im highly allergic to everything that touches my skin normally which cause me to have hives. Yeah so Im constantly in a battle of wills not to scratch my body for any real particular reason or I would scratch sores in my body. But you know the feeling of ectasy when you scratch and it just feels like heaven . I like my long showers of sitting there as the hot water just pours on you and you just marinate for awhile just trying to wake up and have for a moment you own alone time. If your a parent you know that you are never alone ever. Your kids want you twenty four seven have to depend on you and even when you are in the bathroom they bang on the door.

So yeah its like 5 am in the morning I stayed up all night couldn't sleep probally the Dr Pepper I had which if you didnt know I dont normally drink soda whatsoever. You would find me drinking green tea, water, juice, oolong, jasmine, or chai tea at any given time. I love all tea and I have yet to try all flavors but if I dont like it I pass it along to Megan ten to one she either likes it or wants to try it might as well share.

Hmm People I want to talk to again like soon you know who you are. Miss you Mai Thai very much going to go see you for awhile see what you are up to? Probally going to hang out with Lisa tomorrow and shoot the breeze thank god she isnt jealous of her man and I playing dominoes kind of freaked me out she didn't want to play with us and him using us to make her jealous. Stupid bullshit games people in love play. Why o Why cant you just come and and be real for the love of god. Or just say whats really on my mind you pissed me off so im pissing you off by talking to another female besides you! So stick that in your pipe and puff it baby yeah breath real deep so it gets in your lungs and shit. Okay im off my rocker I know it just deal with it.

Im finally tired mad because I messed up my first post and you are stuck with this one oh well deal with it. The next post will be better. Check out the new poetry I wrote in my other blog hope you like it.

Well off to bed im finally asleep and Jade will be waking up early so ill need to be getting up with her although I dont want to. love ya <3 Cassie